WARNING: THIS IS A HUMOUROUS PIECE

Dramatic new evidence in the form of a photo just released by the Crown definitively links activist Jaggi Singh with the infamous Summit Catapult. (So-called: debate continues over whether “onager,” “trebuchet” or “palintonon” would be a more appropriate term, but that is pedantry, a charge Singh is not as yet facing.)

The photo also indicates the presence of a mysterious second teddy (actually a Barney). According to RCMP ballistics experts, the catapult shown in the picture could not have fired this “teddy.” Based on where the “teddy” is lying, and calculating an appropriate trajectory, police feel that it must have fired from much further back and higher up, leading to speculation of a second catapult (or possibly an onager).

After careful analysis of audio tapes recorded that afternoon, Quebec Provincial Police have concluded that at least four teddies were fired, as opposed to the four claimed by L’Anarky Now! activists. These findings led the police to identify other members of this international terrorist conspiracy. The photo above indicates where several of them are in relation to the catapult.

A police spokesperson noted, “This is the strongest evidence we have against Jaggi Singh so far. The photo clearly shows the catapult more than a metre from the curb. This time we think we can make a parking ticket really stick.”

This well-organized and generously financed operation clearly proves that police were more than justified in using fences, tear gas, plastic bullets and tactical nuclear devices at the summit.

NOTE: also identified by the Sûreté du Quebec, but not indicated in the above photo are: Saddam Hussein, Salman Rushdie (behind Earhart), Jerry Garcia (to Hoffa’s left) and Bigfoot (two windows down and one left from Lee).

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Mike Kaulbars is a member of Friends of Jaggi and is a L’Anarkist.