This is a gramatically reconstitued version of a post that appeared in the feminist forum and received mixed reviews. My hope in this thread is that a lot of men will post miscellaneous experiences of the atitudes toward women they've seen or held in their lives, so that hopefully by the end we end up with a broader picture.
To all the other men, agression is something that is distributed on a continuum, try and think back to the times you were most agressive, or that it was on your mind for whatever reason, even if it's relatively tame, and think about the social dynamics at play.
I think one of the problems of guy culture is that men are measured by the woman on their arms, so to speak. Having a girlfriend / sexual partner and frequent exploits is a form of validation and is assumed to be "necessary" without anyone ever realizing it's "necessary".
I write this as somebody who is, for whatever reason, rarely in love/lust. Maybe twice in my life, once at 18-20, and another time at 22-24 or so, whereas most people seem to be in wild relationships on a regular basis from the time they're 14. Over the years I've had plenty of harassment from other guys telling me I need to ask her out or something... it's difficult to explain what a huge pressure it is. The impetus is to ask out any woman you might be talking with at any given point in time, go find someone if no one is available, if you're not interested get interested, et cetera. Fortunately, I rarely listened. A few times I did, twice I asked a friend out that I wasn't really into (which was preceded by non-genuine flirtations) and then lost that friend, once I made a made a really lame hyper-cocky date request to what could have been an opportunity. Fortunately, no real harm done.
Back in the fall of 2006 there was an exchange student in one of my classes, and I brought up conversation with no real intentions whatsoever, just usual exploring the water sort of stuff. There's other people in the room noticing and within the next few hours and weeks "Daaaaaaaaaaave man, awesome !!!!!! when are you making your move". The conclusion had been predetermined for me. Incidentally, she was attractive I guess, a nice person, but I wasn't attracted to her. Maybe it was because all the external commentary turned it into a military operation. When I did get a girlfriend about 5 months later that I was actually interested in, one of these guys told me "I don't think she's as hot as that other girl". His girlfriend got mad at him ...
Part of the reason that I hate parties is that they're glorified mating festivals. If the purpose of a party is to get laid, and you don't think you're going to get laid at that party, then there's no point in going. A few years back was going to a sugar shak with some people. Was going to invite one guy and he told me over msn "can't wait to get some honey, if you know what I mean". How embarassing... we don't talk much since, he changed sometime around 2005 and became more agressive in all aspects of life. A year ago or so I organized some reunion with some other alumns of my program (we were a special group imo). Another guy told me it was great I was organizing this, and that he was totally getting laid that night. He ended up leaving early, alone. Incidentally, that party was an exception and I enjoyed it, as it was mostly engaged with respect to the idea of catching up to old friends. As far as most parties go, I think they're just glorified mating festivals, and I prefer the honesty of dating sites.
I think it's important to teach boys that it's ok to be single, and that relationships and attractions should be something that emerge naturally from normal social interactions rather than something that's forced; certainly that should be the case while they're in school anyway and hopefuly meeting new people all the time. Right now, men are in part by who they date, and while that happens I'm not sure that can change. Trophy wives are a status symbol, and unlike private jets you don't need US$ 30,000,000 to go for it. If a single man ever ran for public office for example I suspect he would be massacred.