Name Calling

A couple of weeks ago my musician friend and I had a show in Victoria. We had been booked into a downtown hotel by the theatre, and when we walked into the lobby we were greeted right away by the friendly and handsome man at the front desk. Because I think it is somewhat relevant to the story, I am going to state at this point that my musician friend is a trans guy, the man behind the counter appeared to be rather unabashedly gay, and I am unapologetically butch. Just so you can get an image.

I had to drop my bags and rush off to do a school gig, so my friend headed up to our room alone. He told me later when I got back that the front desk guy had called up to our room a few minutes after I left to enquire as to which pronoun each of us preferred, and whether or not my friend knew if I would like to be addressed as Ms Coyote or Mr Coyote. My friend told the front desk guy that he uses "he" and that I mostly use "she" - and that he was pretty sure I liked to be called Mister....

Pretty boy explained that we were getting married and that I needed a suit. Dennis let out a sigh, and then narrowed his eyes at me and ran them, disapprovingly, up and down my frame.

"This is going to be difficult," he said, and a look of almost disgust flashed in his eyes.

He flicked a cheap suit off of a rack and shrugged the jacket off of its hanger. "You can go ahead and try this, but I don't know if it will work."...

So I took my rage and indignation and marched it over to Harry Rosen and got fitted for a custom-tailored suit. Lucky for me, I am privileged enough now, after many years of just getting by on a writer's income, to be able to afford this luxury. The tailor there took one look at me and asked if I preferred a "masculine line" for my charcoal-grey Italian wool wedding suit. I nodded, and he reached for his measuring tape.

"Very well then," he remarked. "I know a few tricks." 

I guess my point is that it doesn't take very much effort to ask someone who they are and to respect the language and labels they prefer. In fact, if you are dealing with the public in any way at all, you are not actually doing us a favour; you are simply doing your job. And it makes me a tiny bit sad how truly grateful we will be.