Rabble is conducting a contest to replace Rex Murphy. Unfortunately, I can't enter. However, in the spirit of the contest, I would still like to post my commentary (500 words):
Every Silver Lining Has A Cloud
Everything that's great about Canada produces something that really stinks about Canada. With hockey it's the violence. With Tim Horton's it's littered cups. With CBC it's Rex Murphy.
I'll be honest, I thought Rex Murphy was dead. So imagine my surprise when I found out CBC wasn't just broadcasting re-runs due to budget cuts. I thought it was because of budget cuts and re-broadcasts Rex loved the Stephen Harper autocracy. He could hear himself over and over again ad infantalism.
I'm not sure who even pays attention to Rex other than Don Cherry. I imagine Rex signals to all of Canada watching the CBC its time to get up and pour a bowl of cheerios.
Don't get me wrong. I think Rex Murphy serves a purpose like everything in nature. Mosquitoes tell Canadians its warm enough to go swimming. Slush helps to prevent the proliferation of suede shoes. Rex Murphy reminds us that even media personalities can be dip sticks.
Which brings me to another question, what brainiac approved that face for television? Or that voice for radio? Could there be anyone else in all of Canada less suited for broadcasting? Surely his very success speaks to the generosity of spirit and equal opportunity the likes of Murphy would deride as a socialistic weakness? There is no way this fellow would get a broadcasting role in the States--Murphy's land of tainted milk and industrial honey overflowing with the love of self-interest. It just wouldn't happen.
Sure, Rex's separated at birth twin, Larry, of the Three Stooges, made it onto the little screen, but not opposite Edward R. Murrow. And can you think of a single US news personality with a nasally tone as grating as our Rex? I bet you can't. They might let Rex do a voice on the Simpson's, but that would be it. Only Canada's Mother Corp., with a taste for the distasteful in the spirit of ensuring Canadians remain subject to the cold, the damp, and the dreary even when watching the news, would put Rex Murphy on the air. If anything speaks to the greatness of Canada, or the strong and unflinching commitment to mediocrity, it is that.
But also, in this land forged on the hot coals of pragmatic compromise, Rex Murphy represents something far more un-Canadian than a US gold medal in the World Juniors. He represents an imbalance.
Where is the counter on CBC to Rex Murphy? Where is the reasoned, intelligent, and thoughtful commentary to Murphy's bombastic, doddering, and heedless assault on the sensibilities of Canadians? It's not just that Murphy confuses the interspersing of multi-syllabic words into his droning onslaught with captivating articulation, its also that there is nothing he has to say not already being said 24/7 by the ranting and raving and permanently aggrieved callers on CFRB radio or any number of other old-media-for-old-ideas outlets across the country.
Surely the CBC can give equal time to someone who doesn't stink to balance he who does.