"Radical" dating advice for progressives

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"Radical" dating advice for progressives





Dear Ms. Communicate,
I'm having trouble meeting progressive women.
I've been hanging out in all the right bookstores and wearing the proper attire – and that made in Canada stuff is expensive! I'm eager to talk to fellow comrades, so to speak, especially of the female gender.

The problem is we go out for coffee and it's all great. But then, later, we start disagreeing over a policy or weird bit of African history, or sources, and that's it. She stops returning my emails. She mails back the copies of my published letters to various national newspapers.

What am I doing wrong?

Justly Frustrated

I would've had SUCH FUN answering this one! And I might not have been as nice as Ms C about it. [img]biggrin.gif" border="0[/img]

M. Spector M. Spector's picture

Final confirmation that the letters to Ms. Communicate are fake.

martin dufresne

How so? Because it can be fun answering such a letter? Are you intimating that no man could have written something this blatant? I assure you that I hear such whining on a regular basis.


I once had a girlfriend with whom I never talked about politics...until this one time following the 1982 provincial election, when she told me she voted for Grant Devine's candidate.

That relationship was henceforth doomed.

martin dufresne

Isn't the vice-versa at least as common? I am looking forward to a Ms. Communicate advice column about women who have to suppress every political reflex in their body to manage a relationship with a clueless hottie... [img]wink.gif" border="0[/img]

[ 01 September 2008: Message edited by: martin dufresne ]


I once went out with a guy who - it turned out - was a lawyer for Monsanto. That didn't last very long. (When he hit his dog, I walked out of his house. I wish I could have taken the dog with me.)

N.Beltov N.Beltov's picture

Good move. You would have been next.

I have a friend who, noticing what a joy my own cat was to me, decided to get a cat of his own. When I'm around he sometimes makes a show of "slapping" the cat, as if it were a dog that enjoyed rough housing, and then acts as if he doesn't understand why his cat has a habit of attacking his guests and drawing blood. I've been victimized in this way a few times myself. In my friend's case it's more a question of obstinate stupidity rather than deliberate abuse.

The last time we discussed the subject I pointed out that his cat had attacked me and drawn blood as I came in the front door. I suggested that "drawing blood" was a line that, in crossing, indicated there was a serious problem with his cat about which he should do something. My friend wallows in his ignorance, and loves it, is poorly educated, and has no desire for self-improvement. His cat is one of the few good things in his life, so it would be cruel of me to push the issue. A horse can be led to water but cannot be forced to drink.

Papal Bull

I went on a few dates with a Republican girl from one of the Carolinas (I can't remember which one for some reason...my inclination is toward the North). Didn't work out well for me at all. My fault for willingly attempting to get past what were impassible political obstacles, as well as her bizarre classist rants that I had to put up with when we did a double date. Embarrassing and insulting.

Now, I sympathize with the whole wanting to date other progressives, it is really nice. However, I find that it is indeed quite difficult to find someone who is politically attuned with you. It isn't easy. Sometimes, it is impossible. It is better to just settle for those that you can have reasonable political parlance with - sometimes being too hard headed on politics, particularly early in the Dating Game, will just work to your disadvantage. Hell, most of my closest friends didn't know I was a card carrying dipper cadre (I don't know if I am right now, my membership may have lapsed and my card went through the wash one too many times) until fairly recently.

Mind you, take everything I say on this topic with a mine of salt. I just sort of suck.


I find it hard to believe anyone can be as clueless as that guy in the front post.



Maybe you shouldn’t talk about policy or sources before the fifth date. (Hint: or ever.) Maybe don’t be so insecure that you hand out copies of letters to the editor that you’ve had published in national newspapers. Seriously, stop that. And mailing you back your copies is a hell of a lot nicer than ripping them up!

From my own experiences, Ms C has given excellent advice here. I've had pleasant relationships with every kind of female, from women who are lightly interested in Trudeau's legacy to one woman who grew up in a staunchly conservative business household. I did a lot of tongue-holding to hold the peace, and it was worth it, imo. Women and men are human beings regardless of their political persuasions. Find common interests or move on. Sex is great, but sex appeal and "chemistry" lasts only so long if you're not ready to lose one half of yourself in another person.


I just can't do it. I don't want someone with such strong conservative "values" around me, or my family and friends. I think it is very possible to find someone at least similar enough in values to be happy. Why be with someone with whom you have no common ideological values? What if you have kids?

And IMO losing yourself in someone else is extremely unhealthy and not something I'd want to do for anyone.

Maybe I'm too jaded but I think it's the result of being out of dates with people whom I wouldn't even hang out with. What's the point? And how much of yourself do you have to give up to tolerate that which you shouldn't have to?

martin dufresne

"I think it is very possible to find someone at least similar enough in values to be happy."


"Why be with someone with whom you have no common ideological values?"

Perhaps it's for oneupmanship... [img]rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

[ 01 September 2008: Message edited by: martin dufresne ]



we start disagreeing over a policy or weird bit of African history, or sources, and that's it.

There has to be more to this than that, otherwise he is dating some pretty rigid unthinking unaccepting individuals and what republican would really care about african history. He has to be coming off as know it all, my way or your wrong kind of fundy, which is unattractive in any gender or viewpoint. Better to date someone who generally holds the same views as you but not identical



Originally posted by Stargazer:
And IMO losing yourself in someone else is extremely unhealthy and not something I'd want to do for anyone.[/b]

I'm not suggesting lefties start dating actual hard core righties, official party reps for the right-wing whackos or anything. In my experience, I'm saying I've met people who grew up in very politically Liberal and conservative families. I've been friends with their sons and daughters all my life. Most of them were not dedicated righties themselves and often held no strong political views. And I learned not force my personal political views on them on a constant basis at the same time. That's not healthy either. Some of these real people I've had the pleasure of knowing, imo, could sometimes even be open to different points of view themselves. And BANG! you have kids, and then they look up to both parents for guidance, and you just may create something even more beautiful than yourselves. Two to tango always