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The Belle Jar is a cuss-filled blog about feminism, mental health and parenting. Created and maintained by Toronto-based writer Anne Thériault, The Belle Jar aims to be an intersectional, non-oppressive space. Thériault thinks it's pretty funny to refer to her blog as “The BJ,” so feel free to do that if you're so inclined. Follow her on Twitter @anne_theriault.

Something like a bronomicon: A taxonomy of dude-bros

| December 19, 2014
Image: Flickr/aye_shamus

Do you often find yourself in need of the perfect portmanbro -- that is to say, a portmanteau created by combining an existing word with the word bro? If so, I present you with the bronomicon* -- a lexicon containing a selection of perfect bro terms. A lesson in brocution, if you will. Please feel free to add your own brophemisms in the comments.

Bro-down -- A type of bro folk dance, or an event that has many bros in attendance.

Bro-Choice, Bro-Life -- Bros who value the lives and well-being of other bros over literally everything else.

Brocrastination -- Avoiding work by engaging in aggressively bro-like activities, such as cat-calling or shot-gunning a beer.

Broetry -- The style of poetry composed by bros. Defined by Monica Lita Storssas “a gorgeous male tribalism that reaches deep through shared history and experience, to a place beyond the snap of a hot August cross-breeze and tilted beers.” (via @meghanlbell)

Brofessional -- a bro that has pupated into a Suit (via @MaraWritesStuff)

Brogrammers -- Computer programming bros; often seen tweeting stupid shit about ethics in games journalism.

Brogressives, Brocialists and Manarchists -- the keffiyeh and horned-rim glasses wearing bros who like to get involved with any and all social justice movements, if by "get involved" you mean "try their damnedest to take over"

Brohemians -- Trust fund bros slumming it in cheap incense-stinking apartments, smoking weed and writing bad prose ("brose"? -- Ed.). Brohemians are often (though not always) white dudes with dreadlocks. (via @JonahPMix)

Brojolais -- A bro's favourite wine (via @oytamarind)

Broletariat -- The horde of working class bros; can be shortened to "broles."

Broligarchy -- A form of power structure in which power effectively rests with a small number of bros, most often distinguished by the power of their bro-ness. (via @theskyisblack)

Bro-magnon -- An un-evolved bro. A brototype of a bro. (via @RonArsenault)

Bromance -- A beautiful romance between bros; not necessarily sexual, often just a meeting of the bro minds.

Bromarillion -- An extensive, gratingly pretentious narrative about the origin of bros. (via @nataliezed)

Bromosexual -- A bro who is exclusively attracted to other bros, whether he’s willing to admit it or not.

Bropocalypse -- When the bros finally bring about the end times. Think Walking Dead, but with less zombies and more bros. (via @quaintmagazine)

Bropossum -- An opossum who also happens to be a bro. The "bro" is silent. (via@theschwasound)

Brotesque -- An adjective often used to describe something both horrible and bro-like. (via @SofiaSamatar)

Brotocracy -- A political philosophy which holds that power should be invested in individuals almost exclusively according to their bro-ness. For example, the indie literary scene is a total brotocracy.

Brotographer -- A sensitive bro with an eye for composition. Spends all of his money on film equipment; will lecture you for hours about what lenses he uses to achieve various effects. Boring as fuck. (via @OpheliaInWaders)

Brotox -- A term for the form of toxic masculinity experienced by bros. (via@thesuncannon)

Broverdose -- When you've had to endure too many bros. (via @LadySnarksalot)

Higgs Broson -- Otherwise known as the "bro particle," it is the elementary particle that proves the existence of a bro. (via @mgpcoe)

MacBook Bro -- The preferred computer of the bro nation. (via @bicyclecomics)

Mangst -- A special kind of angst specific to the modern white male; widely believed by modern white males to be the worst, most gnawing type of anxiety. (via @macomeau)

Famous bros:

Broseph Stalin

Napoleon Bronaparte

Brover Cleveland

Theodore Broosevelt

Manlet and Brophelia

Brometheus

*The term bronomicon is via @aproposnothing

 

Image: Flickr/aye_shamus

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