This weekend I infiltrated one of the most secretive and elusive of movements -- the NDP. I entered their underground assembly through a disused air duct and emerged smack in the middle of a throng of wild-eyed radicals bent on destroying the Canada that we know and love.

I have spent a lot of time undercover. My second Feline Pulitzer was awarded for infiltrating a catnip smuggling ring. I pretended to chase my tail so much that I developed an inner ear problem. This devotion to the story served me well at the NDP convention, where the sect's followers eventually took me as one of their own.

Dear friends, colleagues, associates, and admirers. I, Cat Reporter, have been chosen for the arduous task of infiltrating the NDP leadership convention for this fine internet periodical in order to bring you the Cat Truth. I do not take this assignment lightly, as the NDP threatens the very foundations of a free and united Canada.

You may find yourself asking "who is this NDP, and why should they threaten me?" Until very recently, the NDP has been a fringe group of radicals, known for occasionally electing a Member of Parliament. They like to claim responsibility for some of the most horrific and devastating public policy decisions in Canadian history, such as the socializing of medicine, or the Canadarm.