Speaking out in defence of the Harper Government, a defiant spokesperson for Alberta’s Labour Department says “criminal employers are employers too and deserve to be treated with the same respect as any other employer.”

“That’s the way we do it in Alberta, anyway,” said the spokesman, who cannot be identified because he was not authorized to talk about what he was talking about.

The Alberta Government spokesman was talking about the recent decision by the federal Employment and Social Development Department to remove provisions from the Canadian Temporary Foreign Workers Program that would have barred criminal employers from taking horrible advantage of workers from abroad.

On New Year’s Day, the federal department posted a notice where it didn’t think anyone would see it that said proposals that would have prevented employers convicted of human trafficking, assaulting employees and causing the death of workers were just too rigid and cumbersome.

“We don’t actually know why Ottawa did this, but here in Alberta we don’t see why criminal employers should be barred from doing stuff that regular employers can do any time they feel like it,” the spokesman said. “That just wouldn’t be fair!”

“And what’s more,” the spokesman went on, “we don’t think it’s reasonable to give protections to foreigners who come here that our good Albertan workers don’t have, and Alberta workers certainly don’t have a right not to be harassed or endangered on the job. A few of them used to, but Bill 45 sure took care of that!”

Anyway, the spokesman said, “our slogan is ‘Building Alberta,’ not building a bunch of cumbersome and rigid regulations that are expensive and hard to enforce.”

“I guess the feds have been looking at us and paying attention to our great example here in Alberta,” he went on. “That’s no surprise, really, since the feds who make all the decisions come from Calgary.”

The spokesman noted that Albertans need not worry because employees of the Alberta Labour Department who enforce the province’s rules for employers are not allowed to strike illegally or even talk about it.

“In this province, if you strike illegally, or talk about striking illegally, or even look like you might be thinking about talking about talking about thinking about striking illegally, you will be dealt with severely,” he explained.

Note: With apologies to Andy Borowitz. This is satire, and most of it I just made up. Follow the link above to see which parts are true! This post also appears on David Climenhaga’s blog, Alberta Diary.

David J. Climenhaga

David J. Climenhaga

David Climenhaga is a journalist and trade union communicator who has worked in senior writing and editing positions with the Globe and Mail and the Calgary Herald. He left journalism after the strike...