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This is rabble.ca's staff blog. Visit this blog regularly for updates about rabble, and comments and observations from staff members, with occasional visits by board members and volunteers. Our staff blog is represented by our website "mascot" Ruckus, the sock monkey, who joined us in 2006. Ruckus cheers us on through fundraising campaigns and membership drives, and reminds us to keep perspective in the midst of the challenges of running an independent media website.

Your billion security dollars at work

| June 22, 2010

Last night, rabble.ca, The Daily Nuisance, New Internationalist, and the Canadian Peace Alliance held an event about the challenges alternative media and independent journalists face when reporting on events in Iraq, Palestine and Afghanistan.

I moderated the event at Beit Zatoun House, which, by the way, is a lovely space -- a combination store, gallery, and meeting space in one attractive, open-concept great room.  Unfortunately, Beit Zatoun's air conditioning was on the fritz, so the place was pretty warm.  So occasionally, people attending would step outside the door for a moment to cool off.

In the question and answer period afterwards, an audience member told the group that six bicycle cops showed up during the event and asked a few of the people sitting outside on the step whether there were any "protesters" inside.

Yeah, we were a real security threat, all right.  Maybe 50 people, sitting quietly in our seats, listening to the speakers, wilting in the heat, drinking lemon-and-mint infused water and dipping bits of bread into fair trade Palestinian extra-virgin olive oil, both graciously provided by Beit Zatoun.  Pretty scary stuff -- definitely worth the attention of six police officers!

And really, it was such a weird question!  What did they mean by "protesters"?  It was obviously not a protest -- it was a quiet panel discussion event, clearly visible through the large windows facing the street on the ground level.  People came and listened to journalists speak about their experiences reporting in and about Iraq, Palestine, and Afghanistan. 

Did they mean anyone who had ever been to a protest?  Is "protester" now a state of being, a permanent label, as opposed to a temporary description of people participating at a protest rally?  How many protests do you have to attend in order to sport the label at all times and outside of protest situations?

A philosophical question for us to ponder this week in Toronto, I guess.

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Comments

Happily, Michelle, I've intercepted an internal communications memo for the co-ordinated security force keeping this nation safe from the group of thugs necessitating a billion-dollar response. It helpfully identifies protesters in case some of the less-experienced units have trouble recognizing them.

Quote:
What is a protester? This is a hard question! The protest lobby in Ottawa has made it difficult for us to identify terrorists protesters by the usual, tried-and-true methods: brown skin, uh..well that's pretty much it. But no one could argue with it's effectiveness!

We've provided all security units with a comprehensive list of indicators letting you know if you've got a protestor.

Dead giveaways:

  • Bongo drums
  • suspect possesses book(s) by someone with the first name "Naiomi"
  • Dreadlocks, beards, or just a lot of hair in general
  • Face-coverings (N.B. be sure not to confuse a bandana for a hijab--both are probably protesters, but arresting the second without further proof could get us into trouble)
  • Penchant for chanting (N.B. Don't believe them! Contrary to what protesters would have you believe, they are not what democracy looks like! As we all know, democracy looks like the end of a water cannon!)
  • Jaywalking

If confronted with a dead giveaway, follow proper procedure immediately: subdue protester with appropriate measure (tear gas, a good batonning, taser, sonic boom), zip tie hands and load into police truck. N.B! Ensure dead giveaway is not an extra-clever co-worker!

Probable Cause:

  • Suspect holds hands up declaring non-violence during riot squad shield march--it's a ruse--sensible citizens would run away.
  • Suspect is using a non-disposable water bottle or hot beverage container. This person hates Alberta and therefore democracy. Also beware of cloth bags, Birkenstocks and any product sold by MEC.
  • Cyclists (fixed-gear bikes are dead giveaways)
  • Suspect owns any product made by Apple
  • Eating falafel, shish taouk or shawarma. 

Procedure for confronting Probable Causes is same for D.G. above. Maybe use less baton, if possible.

Just-in-cases:

  • Parents
  • Women
  • People of Colour
  • Student
  • Union member
  • Artist
  • Health-care worker
  • Homeless advocate
  • First Nations member
  • Environmentalist
  • Participant in the democratic process

We've got over a billion dollars, folks. So go out there and spend that money!

 

Ha!  :D

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