Hi all, as some of you may know, my mother passed away more than a year ago. way before her time due to lung cancer. She never smoked!! Novemeber is lung cancer awareness month , btw.
Anyways, I am having trouble making any decision about anything and I am going to be out of my comfort zone because the lease for the apartment that my mother and I used to live in will be over in the new year and i am not going to renew it. Its too expensive and I dont neeed a big place. I have never really lived with roomate and share washroom or bathroom with strangers.
I am still deciding if i should move to the U.S to be with my boyfriend or live in Toronto for a little longer because I am still on some kind of a waiting list for sex reassignement surgery. (But i still havent decided if i want to actually go through with it, it is not my top piority and i am dealing with too much mental health issues like depression and anxieities) I would lose my job and my comfort zone if i do decide to move to the US, which i might do, because hes really sweet guy and he loves me but still, i opuld be financially dependent on him.
A little background about myself, I been living as a female for almost 10 years although I can pass as a woman , i am not always sure that nobody will suspect , especially if they are going to be close living quarter with me. and i have trouble waking up or caring about my appearance at all because i am still very depressed about my mother being gone and everyday i feel like i want to die although i would never do it. Anyways. . Since i am not looking for a one year lease rental, i have been seeking places where i can rent and live with roomates. I visited a lady , shes the landlord and she lives with her teenage daughter. I would be sharing a bathroom with the teenage daughter. I am having trouble deciding if its a good idea, or if i should just try again and find another room where i have my own private bathroom or an LGBTQ friendly place. (which will not be easy)
I usually never tell anyone about being transgender because I want people to like me and my need for approval is more intense than ever since my mother passed away.
my mind is all over hte place and although i have friends, i dont have family now that my mom and my universe is gone, I cant think clearly..so any insights would be appreciated. thanks for reading..