It’s hard to keep up with everything, especially as you get older. There just seems to be so much going on, all around us. So, when I began hearing about SpongeBob SquarePants from these little ones during my stint as Santa Claus in the month before Christmas, I had to find out what in heaven’s name they were talking about. About every third youngster wanted Santa to bring them something to do with this cartoon character. Little did I realize that evil had already reached out to hold these fresh faced innocents in its grasp and make them participants in a worldwide plot to advance the cause of homosexuality.

For that insight, I am indebted to Dr. James C. Dobson, Evangelical Minister of God, Founder and Chairman of a faith-based organization called Focus On The Family. (“We could not be more grateful to God for the results on this election day,”said Dobson on the re-election of George W. Bush.)

During one of the dinners held to celebrate the re-installation of Bush as President of those United States of America, Dobson unloaded on a video from the We Are Family Foundation that is to be circulated to 61,000 schools, because SpongeBob and a host of other cartoon characters beloved by moppets, were distributing a message promoting, “the theme of ‘tolerance and diversity’ which are almost always buzzwords for homosexual advocacy.”

Gadzooks, what capacity for insight!

Dr. D. ( hope he won’t mind that appellation), like many other Evangelical Christian Church leaders has always kept a special watch to protect us from the dreaded homosexuals (Jerry Falwell once spotted the signs in Tinky Winky, one of the Teletubbies) and here it is again.

But a cartoon sponge as the vanguard of the “homosexual lifestyle?” Is there nothing left in this world that cannot be sullied by the homosexuals? For heaven’s sake. . . a sponge what lives under the ocean in a pineapple: How subversive can you get? The signals should be apparent to any one.

They certainly were to the good Dr. D. and the Christian Right.

In his own writ, he says this: “But while the video is harmless on its own, I believe the agenda behind it is sinister.”

Yep. “Sinister.” That’s the word, sure enough, to cut to the chase through words like tolerance and diversity. That softy liberal stuff doesn’t fool Dr. D. No way.

And now, the good doctor (of what I do not know), has turned his attention to the north. Dr. D. has come aboard to help Steve Harper and his followers defeat Prime Minister Paul Martin and his government in their attempt to give federal blessing (as eight provinces have already done ) to civil marriages between people of the same sex.

Dr. D.’s done it before, leading the fight in 11 states, which have passed legislation against same sex marriage.

Turns out, Dr. D. is no neophyte when it comes to organizing like-minded Christians into a political force. His prayer of thanks for the re-election of Bush, was just a tad self-serving. In fact, he had a lot to do with getting out the vote, which, with a few finagles in states like Ohio, swung the election to Bush.

He has a Canadian branch plant of his Focus on the Family, based in British Columbia. We’ll be hearing lots from Dr. D. and his Canadian subjects in the months to come as passage of the Liberal government’s bill permitting same sex marriages wends its way through our parliamentary system.

Dr. D. urges Canadians in his radio broadcasts on “Christian Radio” to send money and say prayers to help him preserve traditional marriage in Canada, “because God is in the business of answering prayers, especially those prayed in accordance with his will.”

It is that absolute moral certainty that causes the determination of Christian evangelicals of all sectors of the Christian Church to rise up to defend “traditional” marriage in what they feel is a last ditch stand on the bulwarks of their faith, (even though Christ never did say anything himself on the subject of homosexuality in the gospels, and there are only a few references by Paul, who had a certain problem with any kind of sexuality).

There are also statistics to indicate that evangelicals have just as high a divorce rate as any other form of Christianity.

What seems contradictory in the evangelical campaign is its attempt to close the gap between church and state, by using a certain interpretation of Old Testament preaching to bludgeon a civil authority into doing its bidding, and interfere in the lives of everyone, including non-believers.

The bill introduced by the Liberal government has nothing to do with the religious elements of marriage. Churches may refuse to sanctify same sex marriages if they wish. As far as the government is concerned, this is an equality issue, so defined by the highest court in the land. It is one in which the government will not intervene with the notwithstanding clause to circumvent the charter rights of Canadians.

Dr. D. takes particular umbrage with a pledge used by the organization sponsoring the offending video in other school curricula material. The pledge for school children reads thusly: “To help keep diversity a wellspring of strength and make America a better place for all, I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own.”

I am sure anyone can see through these dastardly, revolutionary, almost terroristic words and the ideas that lurk behind them.

They sure didn’t fool Dr. D., especially the part about “sexual identity.” The doctor writes that those words. . . “hold the key to understanding what is going on here. They reveal a very clever and subtle intent lying below the waterline. There appears to be another agenda operating here, however, that has serious implications for your kids. Quite simply, it is to desensitize very young children to homosexual and bisexual behaviour.”

Now, to be honest, I have never noticed that “very young children” knew that such a thing as “homosexual and bisexual behaviour” or any other kind of sexual behaviour existed at all. Seems like it takes some degree of sophistication that “very young children” don’t possess. I’m not sure what young children Dr. D. has been talking to, in order to get that kind of read on the matter.

But then again, he being both a preacher of the word, and a doctor of something or other as well as having a PhD., he must know for sure.

And look what he says in another part of this statement he put out: “Let me say it again for emphasis: every individual is entitled to respect and human dignity, including those with whom we disagree strongly. The problem is not with acceptance or kindness certainly. But kids should not be taught that homosexualityâe¦ is morally equivalent to heterosexuality. Scripture teaches us that all overt sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful and harmful.”

Now, I got to tell you, I’m having a little trouble following the logic of what Dr. D. had to say right there.

Like, does he mean you got to tolerate and respect every other difference between people except homosexuality and its okay to dump on the homosexuals?

And like, if same sex marriages were allowed wouldn’t that help homosexuals to have sex within marriage, just like heterosexuals?

Anyhow, I’m sure glad Dr. D. is on the case, and that he sniffed out the way SpongeBob SquarePants was being used to get across that hidden agenda that kids should respect and be nice to homosexuals, just like they were real people. It sure takes a certain kind of mind to see through everything and uncover the real plot and purpose to this kind of threat to our entire civilization as we know it.

Kind of reminds me of that McCarthy fella of 50 or so years ago. Boy, I tell you, old Senator Joe McCarthy could uncover commies even when they didn’t exist. He was real good at it. Scared the hell out of a lot of them lefties.

Maybe we should have something like thatâe¦you knowâe¦ where some of these people could be asked. . . “Are you now or have you ever been a queer?” before we let them on TV.

I wonder what SpongeBob SquarePants and Tinky Winky would say.