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Scott's predictions for 2005

Here they are:

  • The parliamentary vote to legalize same-sex marriage will pass by a comfortable margin. Opponents of the measure will subsequently express surprise when the world does not end.
  • Alberta Premier Ralph Klein will finally explain the reason for his staunch opposition to same-sex marriage.
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    Hurry, You've Got Diploma Therapy

    College students all across Canada have now had over a month to regret their course choices. Sure, a career as a door-to-door proctologist or a small animal repairman looked good in the course calendar. Then reality bit.

    At rabble we care about post-secondary education and about making the right choices. So, here we present viable alternatives to the programs offered at community colleges today. It’s not too late. Change your mind — change your life!

    French Immersion Baptism

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    El Salvador to Iraq: Death squads come in waves

    Remember the heady, idealistic days of early 2005? You know, like, January 1st through to, say, the 7th or 8th? After the 366-day bloodbath that was 2004, and once the Are-the-Tourists-Okay? angle of the Tsunami story was driven into the ground — because apparently middle-aged sex tourists are still a more compelling image of Thai suffering than orphaned locals — it really seemed as though, this year, mourning brown-skinned folks as though they were real people would be en vogue.

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    Lesbian Rangers

    Until the formation of Lesbian National Parksand Services we, Founding Rangers Shawna Dempseyand Lorri Millan, were not unlike many of you readers: avid woodswomen with apassion for biology.

    However, despite our boundless outdoor enthusiasm, we had long experiencedfrustration in the bush.

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    Dr. D. — on the SpongeBob case!

    It's hard to keep up with everything, especially as you get older. There just seems to be so much going on, all around us. So, when I began hearing about SpongeBob SquarePants from these little ones during my stint as Santa Claus in the month before Christmas, I had to find out what in heaven's name they were talking about. About every third youngster wanted Santa to bring them something to do with this cartoon character.

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    The Last Canadian Capitalist

    It was just over a month ago, a foggy, grey November 11 in Vancouver. The self-described Last Canadian Capitalist gazes at the cruise ship he’ll soon take to Hong Kong — never, he says, to return.

    Michael Walker, formerly of the Fraser Institute, a pro-business think tank, resumes his waterfront stroll and explains his imminent exile to a visiting U.S. reporter.

    He chose the day — Remembrance Day, in Canada — deliberately.

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    Martha's away and Henry will play

    (Editor's note: Martha and Henry — Ralph Klein's imaginary Albertans — have changed roles this month. The Alberta government has suddenly made a change to the Employment Standards that will now allow 12- and 13-year-old Albertans to work in restaurants. Now children can go from working at their elementary school's School Patrol straight into working at their local McDonald's.

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    Birds of a Feather

    Statistics Canada unleashed a furor in the House of Commons last week with the release of a new report on the migration patterns of the Canada Goose. In the study, based on data collected over the last year, StatsCan found that millions of Canada Geese migrate to the U.S. in an apparent attempt to find “greener pastures.”

    Stephen Harper, leader of the Official Opposition, took the Liberal government to task for neglecting this apparent Canada Goose drain. “Every year we loose some of our geese because of this government’s wasteful habits.

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    Memo to Bush: The case for invading Canada

    MEMO
    TO: The President of the United States
    FROM: Steven Laffoley

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    Do No Harm

    Now that March is upon us, I’m guessing there are a fair number of folks out there who are trying to forget that they ever made that one, really tough, New Year’s resolution.

    You know the one I’m talking about. It might be hidden behind a vague intention to “try to be nicer.” Or perhaps it’s crouching ashamed between a brace of healthy indulgences, like “I’ll stick to lite beer this year” and “I will sleep in till noon every Sunday.”

    Yep, I’m talking about The Big One.

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