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El Salvador to Iraq: Death squads come in waves

Remember the heady, idealistic days of early 2005? You know, like, January 1st through to, say, the 7th or 8th? After the 366-day bloodbath that was 2004, and once the Are-the-Tourists-Okay? angle of the Tsunami story was driven into the ground — because apparently middle-aged sex tourists are still a more compelling image of Thai suffering than orphaned locals — it really seemed as though, this year, mourning brown-skinned folks as though they were real people would be en vogue.

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Lesbian Rangers

Until the formation of Lesbian National Parksand Services we, Founding Rangers Shawna Dempseyand Lorri Millan, were not unlike many of you readers: avid woodswomen with apassion for biology.

However, despite our boundless outdoor enthusiasm, we had long experiencedfrustration in the bush.

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Dr. D. — on the SpongeBob case!

It's hard to keep up with everything, especially as you get older. There just seems to be so much going on, all around us. So, when I began hearing about SpongeBob SquarePants from these little ones during my stint as Santa Claus in the month before Christmas, I had to find out what in heaven's name they were talking about. About every third youngster wanted Santa to bring them something to do with this cartoon character.

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The Last Canadian Capitalist

It was just over a month ago, a foggy, grey November 11 in Vancouver. The self-described Last Canadian Capitalist gazes at the cruise ship he’ll soon take to Hong Kong — never, he says, to return.

Michael Walker, formerly of the Fraser Institute, a pro-business think tank, resumes his waterfront stroll and explains his imminent exile to a visiting U.S. reporter.

He chose the day — Remembrance Day, in Canada — deliberately.

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Martha's away and Henry will play

(Editor's note: Martha and Henry — Ralph Klein's imaginary Albertans — have changed roles this month. The Alberta government has suddenly made a change to the Employment Standards that will now allow 12- and 13-year-old Albertans to work in restaurants. Now children can go from working at their elementary school's School Patrol straight into working at their local McDonald's.

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Birds of a Feather

Statistics Canada unleashed a furor in the House of Commons last week with the release of a new report on the migration patterns of the Canada Goose. In the study, based on data collected over the last year, StatsCan found that millions of Canada Geese migrate to the U.S. in an apparent attempt to find “greener pastures.”

Stephen Harper, leader of the Official Opposition, took the Liberal government to task for neglecting this apparent Canada Goose drain. “Every year we loose some of our geese because of this government’s wasteful habits.

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Memo to Bush: The case for invading Canada

MEMO
TO: The President of the United States
FROM: Steven Laffoley

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Do No Harm

Now that March is upon us, I’m guessing there are a fair number of folks out there who are trying to forget that they ever made that one, really tough, New Year’s resolution.

You know the one I’m talking about. It might be hidden behind a vague intention to “try to be nicer.” Or perhaps it’s crouching ashamed between a brace of healthy indulgences, like “I’ll stick to lite beer this year” and “I will sleep in till noon every Sunday.”

Yep, I’m talking about The Big One.

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O Michaëlle Jean, I want to lick your boots

Your Excellency the Right Honorable Mme. Michaëlle Jean: I just want to say that it is so cool to have you as our Governor-General!

Like John Ibbitson in The Globe and Mail, Andrew Coyne in the National Postand countless other gushers of purple prose in the media punditry, I am sogoddamn proud that when it comes to choosing a local stand-in for ourdynastic monarch, we only go for the best.

You are such an inspiration to all us colonial plebs, Your Excellency. Justlooking at you, it's so obvious why you were chosen.

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The Gay Divorcé

Discovery and Disclosure of Assets

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