Company promises to care for pets left behind in the Rapture

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Agent 204 Agent 204's picture
Company promises to care for pets left behind in the Rapture

Gotta like this:

Quote:
Many people in the U.S.-perhaps 20 million to 40 million-believe there will be a Second Coming in their lifetimes, followed by the Rapture . In this event, they say, the righteous will be spirited away to a better place while the godless remain on Earth. But what will become of all the pets?

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Promoted on the Web as "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World," the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes-with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. "If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

From here, via bugsybrown.

B9sus4 B9sus4's picture

I read a piece today from a guy who sat down and carefully read the Revelations part of the bible. He said if you read it close there's certain things that become clear. According to that stuff in order to get "raptured" you have to be a male Jewish virgin and there's only 144,000 tops that are going. Period. No women. No gentiles. No men who have been "defiled" (sic) by women (that's what it says.)

There's an awful lot of hillbillies that are going to be very disappointed. I 'spect they'll try to get their money back.

bagkitty bagkitty's picture

Are those who will be looking after the pets kept on retainer? Did anyone check to see if they were vegetarians or not (they might be reptilian kitty eaters)? Are any of the big mutual funds backing this venture (it is RSP season after all)? Can any pet be enrolled in the program, including snakes and critters with cloven hoofs? How about gay penguins?

So many questions, so little time.

Bacchus

Oddly enough I do worry about what will happen to my kitties when I die. Not worried about the rapture though so this would be a waste for me

skdadl

I worry too, Bacchus. But this is a hoot. I wish it worked for people like us, that national network of godless caregivers. I don't have that much faith in my heirs on this score.

GOD

B9sus4 wrote:

I read a piece today from a guy who sat down and carefully read the Revelations part of the bible. He said if you read it close there's certain things that become clear. According to that stuff in order to get "raptured" you have to be a male Jewish virgin and there's only 144,000 tops that are going. Period. No women. No gentiles. No men who have been "defiled" (sic) by women (that's what it says.)

There's an awful lot of hillbillies that are going to be very disappointed. I 'spect they'll try to get their money back.

 

Don't worry, I changed my mind on that when I realized I was going to have to spend eternty with Ezra Levant!

GOD

GOD wrote:

B9sus4 wrote:

I read a piece today from a guy who sat down and carefully read the Revelations part of the bible. He said if you read it close there's certain things that become clear. According to that stuff in order to get "raptured" you have to be a male Jewish virgin and there's only 144,000 tops that are going. Period. No women. No gentiles. No men who have been "defiled" (sic) by women (that's what it says.)

There's an awful lot of hillbillies that are going to be very disappointed. I 'spect they'll try to get their money back.

 

Don't worry, I changed my mind on that when I realized I was going to have to spend eternity with Ezra Levant!

Polly B Polly B's picture

 

They are assuming the pets will be left behind, ha!

Caissa

I suppose pointing out that the book is called The Revelation of St. John the Divine would spoil the mood?

G. Muffin

This is old news.

People!

If your friends are dead, you'll see them again when YOU are dead.

The only guideline is Delay Your Own Death.

It's a little something I like to call Darwin's Guidelines For Mindful Living.

Please don't quote me -- my work is open source & probably libelous.

PraetorianFour

I wonder if I could put together a team of specialized pet rescuers. In the wake of a natural disaster lots of pets get left behind and it absolutely kills me. I think I just came up with a retirement plan!

G. Muffin

Good one, P4. Sign me up. I have joint custody of two dogs & two dogs. I won't need you for The Rapture but for the earthquake, definitely. Question: How are you going to survive the earthquake?

PraetorianFour

G. Muffin wrote:

Good one, P4. Sign me up. I have joint custody of two dogs & two dogs. I won't need you for The Rapture but for the earthquake, definitely. Question: How are you going to survive the earthquake?

Lo the time will be dark my faith will shine and protect me!

I figured the rapture would start off with earthquakes anyways.

Caissa

1 Thessalonians 4:15-17

15For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

 16For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

 17Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

ETA: Just a little context.

G. Muffin

Oh, Good Lord.

Mark 19:66

It's all I need to know.

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).

In some parts of the world it is already tomorrow (May 21).  Any reports on those fronts? Anyone raptured yet?

 

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

I expect there would be a refund.Smile

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

Post rapture looting. (FB link!)

From Overheard in the Newsroom:
Editor to newsroom: “If the end of the world is Saturday, we won’t be printing a paper. But we will be posting online until the power goes out.”

Pogo Pogo's picture

But what if you plunk down the money and God doesn't take you.  Is there a refund for being unpure?  Do you still have to give up your pets?

Pogo Pogo's picture

I don't think we should be considering a post rapture babble.  Maybe instead we should think of taking it with us.  Perhaps if each babbler was given a piece of computer code to set to memory and once we get there we could rebuild it.  Of course we need to have each code memorized twice.  I think there is one or two of us that may not be chosen.

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

Quote:
Of course we need to have each code memorized twice.  I think there is one or two of us that may not be chosen.

Poor oldgoat.

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

Pogo wrote:
  I think there is one or two of us that may not be chosen.

Well, if there's someone not posting over the next few days, can we assume they have been raptured - that is, if the rest of us are still here?

Searosia

For the low low price of $50 (make cheques out to cash please), you can designate me as having 'post rapture power of attourny' that would allow me to seek legal actions to ensure these people correctly take care of your pets after you've freed yourself from these earthly shackles.

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

"Things to do to avoid being raptured". Discuss. Smile

Uncle John

I am afraid this all goes to show that relatively speaking, I am quite sane!

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

I'll be looking for post-Rapture sales, if I'm still here.

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture
bekayne

6 P.M. has come & gone in New Zealand

Ken Burch Ken Burch's picture

Boom Boom wrote:

"Things to do to avoid being raptured". Discuss. Smile

"I'll say 'Anything that's enjoyable?, Alex"

Ken Burch Ken Burch's picture

I'll only be worried if Sarah Palin says she can see The Four Horsemen from her house.

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

Laughing

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

My omelette stuck to the bottom of my skillet a little this morning. I'd say notwithstanding earlier accounts to the contrary, the rapture is on her way.

Are you worthy of being raptured?

al-Qa'bong

bekayne wrote:

6 P.M. has come & gone in New Zealand

I doubt that those who wrote the Bible could imagine a place called "New Zealand."

I'd guess that if it's past the 21st in Palestine and Greece, we're probably going to be OK.

Maysie Maysie's picture
Slumberjack

When I jolted awake at an ungodly hour this morning and couldn't find my weed, I thought it had gotten off to an early start.

Boom Boom Boom Boom's picture

7:40 EDT and still no ra

Maysie Maysie's picture

Slumberjack wrote:

When I jolted awake at an ungodly hour this morning and couldn't find my weed, I thought it had gotten off to an early start.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Uncle John

Armageddon Outta Here!

absentia

Hey! Who left all these cats on my doorstep?

Hellebor

Rapture???!!! I thought they said, "Rupture".

If there are no pets in heaven, I AIN'T GOING!