Rhino History, Other Lies and All That Jazz

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gonzo fubar van...
Rhino History, Other Lies and All That Jazz

funny stuff and some serious shit, too



Issues Pages: 
gonzo fubar van...

Amazon customer review:

Like `The Iliad', Gonzo Fubar Van Rasputin's `Rhino History' begins in the middle of a nasty, chaotic, and menacingly surreal war. Stephen Harper murders a judge and dumps the body in the Lachine Canal. Peter Mansbridge shoots his wife in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. Gretzky crashes a Don Cherry tantrum. Harper lies about soiling his pants in a limousine. Somebody named `Zilla' rollerblades through Parliament on coke, smashing windows and singing AC/DC...

And that's just the first few pages.

After blasting out a tsunami of glorious, high-octane Canuck absurdity, the author finally turns to his traumatized readership and winks: "But wait. You don't really understand what's going, do you gentle reader? No, you cannot understand."

Like Homer, Rasputin then circles back to tell the story of how the war began, clearing the field of carnage so he can turn the fire hose on us again.

The torrent that ensues is the story of the Canadian Rhinoceros Party, an anarchist, absurdist movement of-sorts that (almost) died when the Mulroney government introduced provisions making it much more difficult for wise-guys to run for office. Rasputin packages the history of the Rhinos in four acts, breezing through the first thirty or-so years in order to focus on lesser-known events following the party's west coast resurrection in the early nineties.

The story speeds along in a frenetic, rock'n'roll style that reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson's `Better Than Sex' (and not only because the author's first name is Gonzo). Like Thompson, Rasputin chews through mundane reality so he can stick his tongue on truth's electric core. This is what Canadian history looks like to a lunatic in shock therapy--and it is a profound thing to behold.


Maysie Maysie's picture

Peurile penile juvenile bullshit.

Offensive on multiple levels.

Get lost.


Do you have a party for people who can see it like that, but who are not yet lunatics in shock therapy?

gonzo fubar van...

Maysie wrote:

Peurile penile juvenile bullshit.

Offensive on multiple levels.


kinda like south park?

Catchfire Catchfire's picture

Dear Gonzo: Fortunately for you, I don't have sound on my computer right now, so I can't absorb the full brilliance of your book trailer. Until I can, I suggest you spend the time re-reading babble's policy statement, particularly the part about using exclusionary language. I'll also add a personal note: South Park doesn't pass muster for acceptable political or respectful discourse around here, nor do I personally consider it all that funny.

It's also rather bad form to join a message board for the sole purpose of promoting one's book--but as someone who clearly got their friend to write an amazon.ca review for them, perhaps integrity isn't your strong suit.


Strongly agree with Catchfire and Maysie.  This isn't the place for your self-promoting little YouTube effort.

gonzo fubar van...

Catchfire wrote:

It's also rather bad form to join a message board for the sole purpose of promoting one's book 

really? okay, maybe i will stick around for a while. this looks like a fun place. and you seem like a fun bunch. 

don't like south park? wow! i never would have guessed. you certainly will not like the book, then.

but here is one scene you may actually enjoy. you may even giggle, if the muscles needed to do so have not long ago atrophied from disuse:

Jack Layton is the recently elected leader of the NDP, a big city slicker from Trawna with a reputation for being a big-brained charmer with a sense of humour. BIG Ben and the Rhinos are out to test that sense of humour in front of a pack of national reporters.

As BIG Ben approaches Layton with an out-stretched hand, a grizzled old socialist apparatchik hisses at the Rhino and whispers into his leader's ear. Layton smiles, reaches for the Rhino paw and says, "It's a pleasure to meet you BIG Ben Mahony! I'm Jack Layton."

"Jackie Layton," says BIG Ben with a smile and a chuckle.

"I beg your pardon?" says Jack Layton.

"Jackie Layton! Jackie Layton! Jackie Layton!" laughs BIG Ben.

Jack Layton, or Jackie Layton, as the Rhino prefers, is stunned but only for a moment. "You've come out to show your support for Pam, have you, Ben?"

"I can do better than that, Jackie Layton." Jackie Layton raises an eyebrow. "I'll withdraw from the race and get every Rhino in the Yukon to vote for Pam... if you run the rest of the campaign under the name Jackie Layton!" (if you still haven't gotten this joke, say Jackie Layton three times very quickly).

"That's funny, Ben!" Jackie Layton laughs. "You know, that's what my friends used to call me when I was a teenager. You're a funny guy," Layton chortles before turning away and looking for a new hand to shake. The grizzled old socialist apparatchik hisses at the guffawing Rhinos.


Maysie Maysie's picture