The New Canadian Dream
Oh, to be a Government Certified Tax Dodger…
As the American Dream has come crashing to the ground in a sea of political corruption, social injustice and endless militarism, Canadians can take heart. Out of the ashes, the Canadian Dream arrives! Now every young Canadian can aspire to escape the burden of paying taxes by working relentlessly to become a Government Certified Tax Dodger( GCTD).
To qualify all you have to do is become a multi-millionaire. But once you do you can afford a high priced accountant to create the perfect tax dodge for you… And guess what? The government of Canada is there to help both you and your accountant. Once you can afford to hire that high priced accountant you can put “GCTD” behind your name. It is the new Order of Canada Award.
The only downside is that only about 1% of the population become multimillionaires. As the high cost of education and limited job opportunities might hamper your meteoric rise to join the 1% your fall-back might be running drugs, marrying very rich, winning the lottery, or running for political office(over his lifetime Stephen Harper can potentially collect 10 million dollars in pensions.)
Another option is to become a bank executive. Last year Canada’s chartered banks made a cool 35 billion in profits. 12 billion of that was paid out in bonus’ to their executives. Of course, it is rude to mention a good portion of this should have gone to pay their fair share of corporate taxes, but, alas, this government is so very shy and retiring in asking Bay Street to pay its fair share.
Like the American Dream, the Canadian Dream is worth dreaming as every dream is worth dreaming, oh to be a GCTD.
The Government of Canada is here to help you and me- in the meantime pay your taxes in full and on time.