Not the Onion.
Fresh out of court after his sexual assault case ended in a mistrial, Bill Cosby is planning a speaking tour to educate young people, including athletes and married men, about how to avoid being charged with sexual assault.
From the article:
Wyatt stressed the need for more education on the statutes of limitations for being charged with a sex crime, which is, quite frankly, disgusting. Cosby spokesperson Ebonee Benson told WBRC, “Laws are changing. The statute of limitations for victims of sexual assault are being extended. So this is why people need to be educated. A brush against the shoulder, anything at this point, can be considered sexual assault and it’s a good thing to be educated about the laws.”