The Yes Means Yes blog has an interesting post up today, looking at how society defines sex and virginity, especially for women. It is about defining our own experiences, even if they don't match up to the coming of age expectations of sexuality in our young lives.
"[A] lot of the process-oriented virgins I talked to are working with criteria that closely mirror the goals of twentieth-century feminist sex reform. The sex that counts, for these young women, is sex in which they are involved and invested. For some, that means the first time they instigated sex because they really desired it. For some it means the first time they had an orgasm during sex with a partner. For some it means the first time they felt fully emotionally invested and present during sex. Indeed, it might even mean simply that it was the first time that they felt like they genuinely knew what they were doing. Sex “counted” the first time it felt like sex that was good for women, not just for men."
Read the entire post here: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/18/when-was-your-real-first-time/