It only cost $946.44 for Nova Scotia Premier Stephen McNeil to travel to and from South Africa for Nelson Mandela's funeral last month because Nova Scotians have a defeatist attitude that makes them always want to take government handouts, a senior spokesperson for Alberta Premier Alison Redford explained yesterday.
"Well, we don't have a defeatist attitude here in Alberta, that's for darn sure," said the spokesperson, who could not be identified because he was not authorized to talk about what he was talking about even though he was talking about it.
"In fact, all Albertans would have been really embarrassed if their premier had spent less than a thousand dollars to get to South Africa," the spokesman said. "I mean, really! But what do you expect from a Liberal? You can't even go to Mexico for a week for less than a thousand smackers!
"Did McNeil stay at the YMCA, or what? Talk about a premier with a regional inferiority complex!"
By contrast the travel tab run up by Premier Redford, a Progressive Conservative, was about $45,000, which is a far more appropriate level of spending for the leader of a first-rate province like Alberta, led by some of the sharpest political minds on the planet, the spokesman said. "Seriously, people, if you want quality, you're going to have to pay for it."
He noted that Albertans don't want their premier cadging rides from Prime Minister Stephen Harper when there are first-class seats going empty on Air Canada flights. "And McNeil can bring his own baloney sandwiches if he wants," the Redford spokesperson added, "but that’s not the way we do it in Alberta -- or pretty well anywhere else in the world when we're travelling with Ms. Redford, which, believe me, is most of the time!"
"Anyway," he asked, "why would Alison fly back with Harper when he’s made it clear he likes Danielle Smith better?"
The Redford spokesman expressed surprise Harper would even let McNeil onto the plane, since the PM was the first Canadian to identify the problem Maritimers have with handouts and defeatism, way back in 2002.
The spokesman chuckled: "If McNeil wants other Canadians to see Nova Scotia as a first-rate province like Alberta, he's going to have to start giving the old MasterCard ™ a better workout when he's on the road!"
Note: Once again, apologies to Andy Borowitz. This is satire again, and as usual I just made most of it up. Follow the links above to see which parts are true! This post also appears on David Climenhaga's blog, Alberta Diary.
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