How should people act towards abusive and controlling men in public or semi-public occurances?

Call the cops if you think a guy is beating his wife. And for that matter, I would call the cops if a guy is abusing any one else male or female in a public place. What else can you do? I've mouthed off to abusive males in bars and even a bus stop one time, and I dont recommend it for a variety of reasons. Call the cops and-or security guys. Borrow a cellphone from someone if you have to. Dont be shy. 

And if you see parents abusing their own children in a public place, call the authorities or even the cops! It may not prevent a homicide in future, but at least the proper people will have been warned and may even have a record of it for future reference in a criminal trial or whatever.

Rexdale_Punjabi wrote:

call the cops? LOL Snitch...

 You mouthed off but you already knew where that would lead from the sounds of it it sounds like you talked shit then ran away or hid behind a police officer because you weren't man enough to hold it down. If you cant handle shit dont talk it. Obv that rule only applies for men lol fucc hitting women but u know

 

While I can certainly understand a distrust of police officers, I'm not sure calling them on somone being abusive is being a snitch. 

Confronting someone who is being abusive may be about merely drawing attention to the fact that they are being observed and that someone is taking action about it; not running and hiding.

This talk of holding it down and all is understandable, it's an old masculinist theme, but the idea that you can 'teach someone a lesson' by kicking their ass just isn't true.  All you end up doing is spreading violence by becoming a part of it.  While I'm uncomfortable about notions of essentialist masculinities (which are often racist as well as sexist and homophobic) I think I might be comfortable, in this one instance, in saying that real men do not act violently.

so you understand there u go the instinct nuff said

and they're not as rare as u think what's rare is someone talking about it with a worker somewhere.

Real men Survive Nuff Said.

u aitn seen it I lived it. can't be going into detail tho but you already know.

And you cant walk away in most situations what do you think this is lol some random man coming onto the street tryna fight you?

20 manz tryna body you what are you gonna do? Try and run away like a dog with its tail in between its legs?

FUCC THAT. and this aint drama its everyday life and I mean that to the fullest.

You dont need to teach them a lesson either they gonna get beat down and not come bacc or they gonna come blasting... 

Ppl will try to kill you based on where ur from how u gonna avoid that? Ppl will try to rob you cuz everybodyz hungry and nobody eating how u gonna walk away from that? Ppl will pop at ur blocc and try to kill anybody out how u gonna walk away from that? Someone's beating down ur friend u gonna walk way? Shit Someone's tryna beat u down u gonna walk away?

You can walk away from other shit maybe but how u gonna look in urself in the eyes and have any respect for urself after doing that? How u gonna call urself a man when you cant hold it down for yourself let alone hold it down for ur kin you aint shit then. You a scared little boy with facial hair LOL Fucc that not even little boiz are like that u a fetus cuzz, but even a fetus struggles and fights.

So ask urself what are you then? Ur nothing cuz 2 got 2 things Ur ballz and ur word. cant betray either.

Im not gonan say more because itz heat but I think u get the idea bro. I cant respect someone who runs away (esp if they my own kind)

but no hatred here str8 up

life is a big ass struggle when coming from the bottom esp u either fightin or u dien.

edit - jus tthe instinct part tho thats one of the only things you got trust ur instincts thats what it is.

Think about it, most situations trust ur instincts. Money, Trusting ppl, gwanin at catties, tense situations, etc = Trust Ur Instincts it ends up being the best course usually.

You ever been with em on the job? Esp if they working in the hood? If not dont be calling them good if u dont know.

Anyway everybody listen to this and take a minute to chill. Do it and maybe you'll understand what Im saying better.

Styles P - Alone In the Streets

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdCcSpkOwGY

most of the ppl still have more violent encounters esp growing up then the avg white kid lets say.

and WHAT Jay-z quote? lol I never quoted Jay-Z I hate Illuminati Sellout Ass Coon Jay-Z

but the reality thing been talked about bare times in the hood lol

You lose sight of everything else because the hood is just that real but the really fucced up part is I dont think Id want it any other way. 

Bare ppl in the hood have depression, PTSD, and wanna kill themselves lol wont speak on me tho  ( u gotta guess) 

But that is what it is I dont have the time to be worrying about some North AmerIKKKan reality outside the blocc because Im either not gonna get there or I gotta put the work in but just looking at it wont get me there n I dont wanna be like middle class white people. Ill get money but Im not gonna be like you I dont want to na mean.

Too many times it's assumed that the only way for a POC to "move forward, and move up" is to assimilate and act white you know.

Fucc that This discussion is going multiple directions but thats how it is.

Rexdale    Just how old are you??  In the thread about a toronto get toether you state that you have just turned 19 and in the thread about volunteering you state that you are only 16 years old.  All this grey hair combined with many years on the streets of the DTES have given me some ability to spot a BSer.  I have been carefully reading and re-reading your post since you showed up on the boards in March.  Your ability to type almost perfect english at certain times and then appear to struggle with grade 3 english at other times leads me to believe that you are pullong a con game in this forum. So I call it this way...I think you are a fraud.  Yea, yea mods I know how to close the door.

Fidel wrote:

There are good cops and not-so good ones. You only hear about the bad ones, R_P. Cops are like any other group of workers - there are good and bad and inbetween co-workers on every job I've ever worked. I dont see why cops shouldnt be considered human like everyone else. 

If you see a crime being committed, youre supposed to call the cops and let the law deal with violent public behaviour. That's what I will always try to do if and when I see someone assaulting another in public.

If you see someone beating a dog senseless, what do you do, R_P?

You hear about the bad ones I have to deal with them we're living different realities. Take in that gates case ppl didnt consider that cops a "bad cop" what happened anyway. Cops Period are different around us for whatever reason consicous or not.

Cops dont treat us like humans with rights protected by the constitution why shouldnt I return that?

This taking police protection for granted and being able to trust them also involved feeling like this society is "yours" which is something only white people feel.

If I see someone beating a dog senseless what I do depends on the situation.

And lol if there's a fight Im either gonna join or watch. Or cut if it's too heat. Unless I gotta do the 1st thing.

edit - Im turning 16 in a month that 19 thing was sarcastic it was like yo allow the liquor I look old enough lol 

So u been stalking me basically? there's times where I take bare time out to type shit out and others where I wanna get info down fast as possible. That's the difference. I've been open on this probably more open then a lot of places and the fact that there are ppl from the hood who like ye I see you on that shows that I know wussup. the fact that im not wiling out and insulting you shows one thing too.

This shit on here Im trying to do something good If Im not allowed to Thats Yall problem because You're losing out I've learned bare things on this too but begging or w.e to stay on and being something im not? Fucc that it aint worht it. If you wanna call me w.e do it. It doesnt change the fact that Im here and ur not.

U can talk shit the fact that u been "carefully" reading my shit? WTF r u a fed? Do u have an obsession? U probably remember me writing shit that I DONT remember cuz I been piffed or juiced up so what does that show who got the problem me or u?

Obviously, it's all situational.   I've called the police before-- I know no one knows the people involved, nor would care who they are, but out of respect bear with my clumsy phraseology-- when someone I knew was getting a call from someone they knew, and that someone was having a fight with her husband.  The someone I knew said to me "she said Bob (obviously not his real name)  hit her."

That was enough for me.  I had the someone hang up, and I called the police.  And you know what?   That was eons ago; another life time it seems, but as things sit right now it was the thing that put both those people on a good path.  A long one, perhaps, but it worked out.

There was another time I called the cops when I feared for the safety of a woman.  I was walking up the street, after being dropped off by a co-worker at the end of afternoon shift.  A woman was kicking at the screen door of a lightless  house, demanding entry.  As I passed by, she told me they had her stuff.  I suggested that no one was home, maybe she should come back tomorrow.   A hundred feet or so up the road, I heard her running to catch up to me, ranting at me, saying she was tough, that she could stab me with a knife. 

She was, as they say, 85 lbs soaking wet with rocks in her pocket.  I never felt threatened.  (remember that)  She tailed me a bit, ranting, and I thought to myself, she's got some problems, she needs help, and she's also easy prey for any guy who wants half an excuse to hit a woman, or worse.

So, for her protection, I called the cops.  The one cop got it, the other one actually tried to comfort my non existant fears by patting his side arm.  The fuck.  I spoke very slowly to him, I remember.  " I am not afraid of her.  I am afraid for her."

So much of life is in the prepositions.

Anyway,  a call came through over thier radio, about  a woman  creating a disturbance on the Quebec street overpass.  They figured it was her.  Probably was.  I wonder what hurt I wittlessly unleashed upon her, to this day.

If I had to do that over, I wouldn't have called the cops, I'd have called the paramedics.

Similarly, about three weeks ago two women were having a pretty good fist fight on the road outside my house.  It lasted a bit, but they moved off, still screaming at each other. 

I didn't call the cops.   I figured they had enough trouble.  I didn't intervene, either and perhaps I should have.  But, in retrospect the only way to do that right would have been  for me and another person to do it together, at the same time, like linesmen do in hockey fights.

Again, if I was going to call anyone, it would have been paramedics.  My thinking being the police are going to show up anyway, but a paramedic's testimony in court is worth more than mine, and the police know it.

I just don't get the whole guns thing. Carrying one around is just stupid. Seriously, why carry a gun? Why does everything these days have to be about guns? Back when I was a teenager men fought with their fists. No weapons. Weapons were always considered weak. Nowadays it seems guns are the norm. It is like people just gave up their own humanity and started popping people over 20 dollar carck deals gone wrong (like a young man who was killed by two guys in my neighbourhood just last year). Those two guys are bloody idiots. They could have easily taken the guy aside and dealt with it another way. Killing someone is theone ultimate sign of man's inhumaity to man. It makes no sense. Not to mention the time those two idiots are going to spend in jail. I have no pity of that type of cowardly action. That is not manly. It's just plain horrible and utterly ridicules.

I could never understand why killing somebody is worth spending most of your life in a jail cell.

"Dont inflict upon your enemy every wound possible because, one day that enemy may be your friend" - Sun Tzu

"Accomplish what is large while it is still small" --Sun Tzu.

One of the most inappropriately named books is "The Art of War".  It should have been "The Art of Avoiding War".

If you are a fan of Sun Tzu, I recomend the companion book by Zhuge Liang.  One of my favorite characters from Chinese history/mythology.

"Weapons were always considered weak."

Yeah.  In my day if you carried a knife to a bar, your friends would look at you sideways.  And, while nobody might have suggested you were a coward, you'd hear that in thier eyes.

Let alone a gun.

I have a knife, now. 

When I was little, maybe eight or nine, or so, I suggested to my brother that I thought it would be cool to always have a pocket knife-- a good one.    He said,  "If you always carry a knife with you, one day you'll find a reason to use it."

I turned fifty last april.  I thought it was time. I mean, with all the outdoorsy stuff I do, I've never had a good knife, making do with an tolfa blade for some things, hatchet for another.  I let it be known that I had a hankerin for a good knife.

My brother and sister in law gave me a buck knife.  But I got the best knife present back when I was eight or nine.

Well yeah, and some kind of substance abuse may have been at work here. 

But sometimes you just know.

Like I know that sometimes the most abusive guys toward women you'll find on the street are cops.  I don't  think I'd adopt Rexdale Punjabi's blanket never call the cops, but remember the question of this thread title.  And remember that cops can  be sexist too.

Like the OPP at Fleck, decades ago.  Tough, physical guys when the picket lines were just the women from the plant.

But that was decades ago, maybe it's time to let it go.  But I won't. Other stuff happened, that perhaps even now I shouldn't say.

And, I also know someone who worked with street kids in Toronto, and how the young women had a particular terror for one cop.

So, I would be carefull about when and why you call the police.

Fidel wrote:

Did you know that 10% of drug administrations in hospitals are mistakes ...

Do you have a cite for that?  That percentage seems absurdly high.

Fidel wrote:

I've had bad experiences with doctors and nurses. Did you know that 10% of drug administrations in hospitals are mistakes, and some percentage of those are fatal? Not sure what the error rate might be for invasive surgical procedures. I'm still going to call 911 when someone needs medical attention though

I'm just saying think before you hit those three buttons and ask for police.  It shouldn't be an automatic default position in your brain,  and no one should have blind trust in cops, particularly in the way they treat women.

call the cops? LOL Snitch...

I wanted to get back to what Rexdale Punjabi said, because I think it reflects an attitude or ethic that, applied the wrong way, gives a lot of power to abusers of women, because this is what the thread is about, but everyone else, too. 

A snitch is a person who allerts the authorities to wrong doing by other people who may be breaking the law, but within, shall we say, "the code".    You don't rat out your neighbor if he or she is growing a pot plant in the back corner of the garden.  Or your buddy at work who is stretching his pay by selling smuggled smokes.

But some people put themselves outside the code by their actions.  Last saturnday, a guy here was beaten half to death because he called five other guys on being pigs toward his woman friend.  Those guys don't merit protection under some kind of "don't snitch" code.  They inhabit a strata somewhere below snitches themselves.  Giving them protection under the "no snitch" rule isn't appropriate under anyone's code, as it grants scumbags like that way too much power.

ye I hear that I wouldnt be calling tho just becuase but anything more to say on this thread for me atleast like the violnce vs non-violent part would be too personal.

All ima say is it feels like derz like 2 sides to me softer but assertive like ur gwanin at catties etc  chill like a funny kid lol

and when Im pissed the hood nigga. Explains a lot lol

Rexdale_Punjabi wrote:

All ima say is it feels like derz like 2 sides to me softer but assertive like ur gwanin at catties etc  chill like a funny kid lol

and when Im pissed the hood nigga. Explains a lot lol

i know i struggle with the same issue, though as I've made a conscious choice to try to avoid anger and violence, I am making progress.  I would say that many men share the same duality and conflict.