The dog thread

Dog is God spelled backwards. Dogs don't wear underwear. Dogs don't read newspapers. Dogs don't invest in the stock market.

I think this tells us all we need to know.

Dog is dead.

Which reminds me of what the Buddhist said to the hot [b]dog[/b] vendor: "Make me one with everything!"

My dog loves me best first thing in the morning when I let him out for a pee.  NO-ONE else around here even likes me in the morning.

Dogs are servile creatures who seem overjoyed to be slaves. And they don't bury their faeces.... cats are much better.

It's the price the owners pay to be loved.

CAT DIARY

Day 1,983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally deficient

Two?

You're a bugger for punishment, aren't you?

Jaku: As a cat person, let me express my appreciation for your hilarious (yet eerily accurate) prisoner's diary!

Virgil, the male, is a brindle and a dumb ass if ever there was one. I have to spend alot of the days that I'm home with him outside because he chases hornets and tries to eat them. It's kind of funny. The other one, Abbey, is just a huge suck. She waltzs around the house and rubs up against you like a 75 lb cat. We got them from two seperate places, but when we got them home and looked up their pedigrees we found out that they shared a grandfather and are cousins.

I prefer cats as pets, and had a dog once, but grew to dislike keeping them as pets.  The last pet was a goldfish who committed suicide by leaping out of the tank and onto a hot baseboard heater.  Haven't been able to bring myself around to acquiring another pet ever since.

I have 3 cats, too.  I don't do well with fish.  The one before last got some horrible fungal disease and died miserably.  This year my daughter's teacher had the kids raise goldfish in the classroom and then sent each kid's fish home in June - without asking the parents.  Fortunately/unfortunately (it depends on who you ask) the fish died while we were on holidays in July. 

I'm currently inbetween pets.  Basically, all the pets we've had on this farm have been country wanderers who stick around.  Strays make amazing pets, in much the same way a well mannered pound dog - or greyhound - will adapt very well to a good home.

Dogs need space and exercise, the more the better.  My dogs have all been off leash, 99% of the time, and I could communicate with them by nodding my head or staring.  Getting a dog trained to that point pays a lot of dividends, and makes a dog much superior as a companion. 

Lately we've had a run of stray cats, though.  Anyone want an orange striped blue or green eyed kitten?  And I have a really mean looking grey striped kitten hanging around my chicken pens. I feed him\her but it remains suspicious.

A greyhound would make for a high maintenance dog, I bet.  A dude who used to reclaim race dogs used to bring a van full of the things down to our farm to run around (he didn't ask, either).  Those mutts can fly, hola. They used to chase me when I went biking.  I always forgot how big the god damn things are until there were eight of them chasing me.

I lean more shepard\terrior.  Never been a fan of Labs.

A six year old newt?  That's got to be lifespan plus.

Thumbs up on dogs in the city.  Bigger dogs are rarely a good idea in the city but I understand the urge.

A bird dog? oooo.... do they have magnificent plumage like a Norwegian Blue? Regardless of whether they do or not, do you ever find them pining for the fjords? (Labrador does have fjords, doesn't it?) 

I had a beagle, miss it terribly. Nowadays the german shepherd across the road visits every day, and usually joins me for a walk in the evening (dogs are not tied up here). Great companion - if I was getting another dog, it'd be a shepherd for sure. The beagle was fun, but stubborn as a mule.

bagkitty wrote:

A bird dog? oooo.... do they have magnificent plumage like a Norwegian Blue? Regardless of whether they do or not, do you ever find them pining for the fjords? (Labrador does have fjords, doesn't it?) 

You'll frequently find the Labrador pining for a fjord, but a slough will do. 

And Luna actually does have gorgeous "plumage" - she has a lovely plumey tail, and "ruffles" on her hind legs and ears.  She's white with black ticking and a black patch on one eye.  She knows she's gorgeous, too.

So your joke does, indeed, fly. 

Farmpunk wrote:

A six year old newt?  That's got to be lifespan plus.

From what I read, Spanish newts are good for about 12 years (as long as some dogs), and can get up to 12 inches in length.

I have been sharing my life with a ten-yr old purebred Siamese cat, who is a dropout from potty training... (no lie! some people actually train cats not only to use the toilet but to flush it afterwards, using a special platform; their sales pitch involves actuarial litter cost tables!). My Coucoune made it halfway through the course but never could be convinced to flush, so her "trainer" gave her away as a "failure"... 

M. Spector wrote:

You have a 160-lb. lab/german shepherd?  

What is he, two 80-lb. dogs glued together?

My cousin has a 140 lb boxer, thing is fit as a whistle. Just pure muscle and a massive chest. The damned thing only comes up half way past my knee. Broad. Looks like a bull, not a dog.

Thank you.  They're both beautiful.  M. Spector's looks like she(?)'s plotting something.

Papal Bull wrote:

M. Spector wrote:

You have a 160-lb. lab/german shepherd?  

What is he, two 80-lb. dogs glued together?

 

My cousin has a 140 lb boxer, thing is fit as a whistle. Just pure muscle and a massive chest. The damned thing only comes up half way past my knee. Broad. Looks like a bull, not a dog.

Mine is a very similar build, very broad and deep chested, I suspect hey may have something larger in the genes but lab/sheperd was the best guess from the shelter, and he does resemble both.

Strangest pussycats I've ever seen...