Okay, we're in the middle of the holiday season, but past the worst of it (for me anyways).
I would love to hear some babbler holiday horror stories. From this year, past years, or classic stories told by the fireplace to warn children about the dangers of mixing family, alcohol, consumerism, Santa, and inflated emotional expectations.
Woohoo! I'll start!
I went to New Jersey for a few days for the weekend of Dec 16. Long story, but my sister got married in LA in the spring and is applying for her green card and couldn't cross the border this month without putting her process in jeopardy. Her in-laws are in New Jersey and she's gone to visit them for all the years that she dated her now-husband. My mom and I had never been, but decided to go. I wanted to see my sister, because who the hell knows when she'll be able to visit Canada and I'm not going to be in LA for a while. The Xmas factor was irrelevant to me. But it seems I live in Maysie-bizarro world.
My sis's MIL is Xmas on crack, personified. My sis's FIL is Jewish, but has clearly gone along with all the Xmas stuff over the years. I'm talking Santa oven mitts; tiny unlit Santa candles in Santa candle holders; a salt and pepper shaker that is a chimney with two stacks, sticking out of the chimney are Santa's black boots, one for salt, one for pepper; Xmas themed dish towels (I never thought people actually bought that stuff); a stuffed reindeer that when you press its toes, it wiggles and sings "Jingle Bell Rock" the most detestable Xmas song EVER, and two other stuffed creatures that when you press something on them they sing some putrid song (if you must know, a mouse in an Xmas outfit singing "We Wish You A Merry Xmas" in a Chipmunks voice, and a snowman that sang something I guess I blocked out from memory. No wait, it was the fa la la song. It sounded demonic, and not in a good way), and finally, the pièce de résistance, a red stocking with white around the edge used in the guest bathroom to hold extra rolls of toilet paper.
One's eyes were barraged with either all these Xmas obscenities (the more I looked around the more I saw that not one part of their huge kitchen/living room/tv room had been untouched) or the GIANT flat screen tv upon which my sister's husband and his brother were playing "shoot 'em, kill 'em video games.
Then the mom factor. I love my mom. But her "mom-kookiness" always gets activated around Xmas for some ungodly reason. My mom is Jewish, but that hasn't stopped her. So various hyper and age-inappropriate mom-behaviours ensued including, before we headed out somewhere, asking me if I needed to pee. My response was "I'm 44 years old."
And my sis's MIL, who is a lovely woman, having both her boys home, got all activated as well, telling them things like "Put your socks and underwear in the laundry hamper! Make your beds!" and things like that.
The two of them, together? It was a mom-hurricane. Everyone stayed out of their way, and for the most part, did what they were told.
In the middle of this, my sister's BIL was lectured by his mom and his aunt (his mom's sister) about moving out, saving money, and being a respectable citizen. He's 25. And launched into his own piece about his father and how nothing is good enough for him no matter how hard he tries.
I found it best to hide in the t.v.-less den with their ancient corgie (named Puppy. So cute!) and read an old book about travel written by Dave Barry until the worst was over.
This is the place where I had my first taste of Jamesons. So at least something good came of the experience.
Okay, who wants to share next?