Bullying pushes Ottawa teen to suicide

26 posts / 0 new

Tue, 2011-10-18 14:10

Catchfire

Quote:
"I am tired of life really. It's so hard, I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore," wrote Jamie Hubley on Oct 14. "I don't want to wait three more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know it will get better? It's not."

That was Hubley's last post before the 15-year-old committed suicide on Oct 14. He was the son of Ottawa Councillor Allan Hubley of Kanata South.

On his blog, Hubley wrote, "I'm not really anything special, just depressed, I wish I could be happy, I try, I try, I try...I just want to feel special to someone. Im gay?!"

Hubley says bullying pushed his son over the edge

Quote:
Ottawa Councillor Allan Hubley has said homophobic bullying at school was one of the reasons his son, Jamie, committed suicide on Oct 14.

"We must do whatever we can to wipe out bullying for any reason in our society and especially in our schools," Hubley said in an Oct 17 press release. "Young people are very vulnerable and have enough pressures in life to have to deal with aside from the stress of being bullied. My family's wish is that no more families have to suffer the unbearable pain of losing a child. No child should have to deal with depression or feel hated because of their beliefs -- that is not the Canadian way of treating others."

Hubley said bullying that began in Grade 7, when Jamie was picked on because he was involved in figure skating and not hockey, exacerbated his son's struggle with depression.

More recently, Hubley said Jamie was taunted for trying to revive a rainbow support group for gay students at AY Jackson Secondary School.

He said Jamie "was called vicious names in the hallways and online," and students tore down posters about the group.

While Hubley said his son received support from family and school officials, "Jamie felt it would never stop."

Issues Pages:

LGBTIQ

Regions:

Tue, 2011-10-18 15:14

Mr.Tea

So sad. It's at least reassuring to see Ottawa put aside partisan differences recently and pledge to work together in developing a more robust mental health strategy.

Thu, 2011-10-20 00:39

Lefauve

Poor kid.

He was trying to do something really courageous by openly living his homosexuality

in a high school.

But as usual kid are really cruel an intolerant when facing somebody who's not in the "norm".

LBGTQ assistance should be implement in all high school.

Thu, 2011-10-20 07:38

Ken Burch

Every time this happens, it kills a little bit of us all.

The only way to honor this young man is to break the cycle of hatred, abuse and violence that is bullying in general and anti-LGBT bullying in particular. Bullying is made to happen by the conscious actions of those who raise kids to believe that hatred and anger are the only valid emotions for males, and that the only acceptable response to any form of "otherness" is to crush it or kill it.

It's not enough to say "It Gets Better"...we have to MAKE it better...or more and more young people(and not-so-young-people)will be lost, sacrifices to a false god of "manliness: that too many people are afraid to stop worshipping.

Fri, 2011-10-21 04:30

Hunky_Monkey

Rather interesting to have Tory MPs make a "It Gets Better" video... especially the likes of Vic Toews.

Maybe if most of them had supported equal marriage, human rights protection, etc., over the years, it would be a bit better today.

Maybe we'll now see David Duke make an anti-racism video?

Fri, 2011-10-21 12:26

Ken Burch

Hunky_Monkey wrote:
Rather interesting to have Tory MPs make a "It Gets Better" video... especially the likes of Vic Toews.

Maybe they thought it meant "It Gets Better...for people like US".

Sat, 2011-10-22 20:28

Stockholm

I can everyone that if people keep electing homophobic Tories like Vic Toews and David Sweet it does NOT get better for kids being bullied for being gay - IT GETS MUCH WORSE.

Most pathetic of all is to see John Baird say "it gets better" when the whole thrust of the "it gets better" campaign is supposed to be to tell people that if they are being given a hard time for being OPENLY GAY - it gets better.

Maybe what Baird wanted to say was "hey kids - listen to Uncle John. If you're getting harassed for being gay - stay DEEP in the closet and do something that will put you above suspicion of being gay - like joining the Conservative party!! Then if you play your cards right you get a chauffeured limo and all the affairs in foreign countries you could ever dream of!"

Sat, 2011-10-22 22:48

Mr.Tea

Stockholm, I think that theres enough about Baird to criticize without speculating about his sexual orientation. It`s nobodys business and entirely his choice what he wishes to disclose about his private life.

Sun, 2011-10-23 01:06

Stockholm

I'm not speculating about anything. Its a FACT. The Conservative candidate in Toronto Centre stated in an interview on Metro Morning that John Baird is gay. There were no denials afterwards. This is now in the public record.

The point is that the "It gets better" campaign is about OPENLY GAY people doing PSAs to tell gay teens that it is good to be OPENLY GAY and that if they stick it out though high school - their lives will get better.

Sun, 2011-10-23 02:07

#10

Mr.Tea

I don`t think the campaign is about OPENLY GAY people doing PSAs. Barack Obama isn`t gay and he made a video as did many prominent non-gay people. I`m a straight guy and would still deliver the message to gay teens that it does get better. I think that its about all people - gay or straight - showing support for people going through a difficult time in their lives.

As for Baird, I have no idea what he does in his bedroom and dont particularly care. But I suppose that the only way to KNOW that someone is gay is for them to identify themselves at gay. I mean, I could walk in on Baird sucking a dick and it doesn`t necessarily mean he is gay, just that he has, on at least one occasion had a dick in his mouth. The decision to reveal certain aspects of your life is a personal decision and if someone wants to keep things private, that is their business. If Baird is gay, he`s not actively lying about it. I mean, there was a certain former prominent cabinet minister who everyone knew had a wife who he featured in his campaign literature and meanwhile had a boyfriend living with him in Ottawa. Baird doesnt make up stories about girlfriends or any such thing and, as far as COnservatives go, is pretty progressive on gay rights. He`s not like some of the Republicans down south, making fiery speeches against gay marriage when they arent cruising airport bathrooms for anonymous blowjobs.

Sun, 2011-10-23 05:42

#11

Stockholm

Mr.Tea wrote:

I don`t think the campaign is about OPENLY GAY people doing PSAs. Barack Obama isn`t gay and he made a video as did many prominent non-gay people. I`m a straight guy and would still deliver the message to gay teens that it does get better. I think that its about all people - gay or straight - showing support for people going through a difficult time in their lives.

I'm afraid you are mistaken. The "It gets better" campaign is not some lovey-dovey generic anti-bullying campaign, nor is it some message targeted at anyone in the world male or female gay or str8 who is depressed and contemplating suicide for whatever reason. The "it gets better" campaign was created by a gay rights activist named Dan Savage and it is a campaign that is EXPLICITLY and EXCLUSIVELY about gay teens having a hard time in high school either because of bullying or because of trouble with parents or their inner pain. It is about encouraging them to be true themselves as gay people, to accept themselves and to send the message that it really is possible to be gay and happy and successful!

Maybe the Tories who got suckered into saying "it gets better" thought they were just mouthing the slogan of a generic anti-bullying campaign and had no idea that it is actually a gay rights/pride campaign. I think some journalists ought to contact some of the vicious homophobes who said "it gets better" just to make absolutely sure that they really truly meant to say "it gets better if you are proud of being gay and stick with it" - for all we know Vic Toews might be thinking he is saying "it gets better if you find Christ and try to turn straight with a quack therapist like Michelle Bachmann's husband"

Sun, 2011-10-23 09:29

#12

Maysie

I completely agree with Stockholm.

Xtra's Open letter to Stephen Harper in response to the idiotic Conservative MP's It Gets Better video.

The video is at the link for those who haven't seen it. Warning. Sound quality is beyond amateurish, and the MPs come off like freaky robots reading the same script over and over. My eyes glazed over after the 4th or 5th Conservative saying the same damn thing, but I forced myself to watch the whole thing and you can too.

Quote:

Dear Prime Minister Stephen Harper,

Let me first acknowledge the contribution your party has made to the worldwide It Gets Better Project by launching a video featuring your MPs, senators and staffers encouraging struggling gay kids to seek help instead of committing suicide.

I know queer activists have been calling on the government to make an It Gets Better video since shortly after the project launched last September. Yes, I realize that most of them were actually trying to embarrass you over your gay rights record, but baby steps should be applauded and recognized as the opportunity to start a dialogue.

.....

[P]art of the problem with this video is that it's not very personal. Simply repeating the phrase "It Gets Better" isn't going to reassure someone who's considering suicide, especially delivered by a parade of MPs robotically saying "It Gets Better" through bizarre rictus smiles. In fact, repeating any message over and over again generally makes it less powerful, not more, because it gives the impression you have nothing to back it up (see also "gravy train"). None of the participants in the video offers any personal stories about their own struggles in their youth and how they overcame them. How do they know it gets better if they've never had it worse?

....

Finally, another reason that this video's message falls flat is because the people appearing in it are, how shall I say it, not the greatest champions of gay people.

Look, I have no doubt that your MPs, senators and staffers don't actually want gay kids to kill themselves. But their records don't show a lot of support for gay kids or for the adults they'll become when it's supposed to get better.

Oh, and all through the video the Conserva-Robo-Phobes keep repeating the Kid's Help Phone number. There's actually a gay and lesbian support hotline in Ottawa (Gay Line Ottawa at 613-238-1717). I'm not sure of their mandate to serve youth, but to say their number OUT LOUD in the video would mean saying their name which includes the word "gay". Please note that nobody does this in the video, NOT ONCE. I guess it wasn't written on the cue cards.

There's also the provincial Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line (1-800-268-9688) but again, you see the problem in saying the name of the organization.

Fucking hell.

As an anti-oppression activist and educator, my biggest issue with the video is that the bullying of individual gay, lesbian, bi and trans youth isn't the problem to focus on, as policy makers. Apparently sanctioned homophobia in the form of bullying and violence against LGBTQ youth are the problems, and the lack of systemic prioritizing for teachers and other school staff to do effective, informed and anti-oppressive interventions. This is a systemic problem that needs a systemic solution.

To blame "that one bad kid" or "those 10 bad kids" for bullying and harrassing Jamie not only misses the point, it basically guarantees that homophobic bullying will continue. Soon those kids will graduate and be out of high school. Bullying will continue unless something systemic is done, and done now.

And no, there's nothing at the policy level that can be done about parents and families that choose to encourage homophobia in their children. But behaviours exhibited by students in school can most certainly be curtailed and sanctioned, especially verbal and physical bullying that is witnessed by paid employees of the school board.

Sun, 2011-10-23 13:25

#13

Stockholm

There is now a lot of debate in the blogosphere about the Tory video. From what I can tell opinion is polarized as follows:

*virtually everyone who actually is LGBTQ is not at all impressed with a bunch of homophobic Tories who have spent their lives helping create a culture of hate against LGBTQ people saying that teens contemplating suicide should "get help", the the Tories in the video as hypocrits or worse and see it all as some sort of Tory PR exercise.

*on the other hand a lot of str8 "do-gooders" keep scolding us for being critical and seem to think that LGBTQ are being ungrateful and we should get on our hands and knees and thank Harper and his minions because for all of their homophobis in the past - at least its a "step in the right direction" that they actually think that its a bad thing when a gay teen commits suicide! These people also think we should pop champagne corks and celebrate because John Baird ACTUALLY opposes gays being executed in Uganda! How generous of you Minister Baird - you think gays in Uganda should be allowed to live! With ground breaking, brave, risk-taking stances like that - maybe you'll get the EGALE citizen of the year award next year!

What next? Maybe a bunch rightwing GOP Tea Party types who are racist to the core will do a video saying that they deplore slavery and lynching - and let's see how impressed African-Americans are with that.

It also reminds me of seeing all these mysogynistic rightwing neocon crackpots in the US who try to justify the invasion of Afghanistan - because they are doing it for the sake of women's liberation in Afghanistan! (too bad they are so against rights for women in the US)

Sun, 2011-10-23 13:33

#14

Stockholm

I might add that this is a great opportunity to start our own version of IGB. Tell the teenagers of Canada who don't like what they see in this patronizing, militaristic, homophobic federal Tory government that does not refelct their values - "It gets better - when you turn 18 you can vote to get rid of rhe Tories!!"

Sun, 2011-10-23 13:34

#15

Maysie

Wow, Stockholm have you been reading my Facebook wall?

Sun, 2011-10-23 14:56

#16

Northern Shoveler Northern Shoveler's picture

Maysie wrote:

As an anti-oppression activist and educator, my biggest issue with the video is that the bullying of individual gay, lesbian, bi and trans youth isn't the problem to focus on, as policy makers. Apparently sanctioned homophobia in the form of bullying and violence against LGBTQ youth are the problems, and the lack of systemic prioritizing for teachers and other school staff to do effective, informed and anti-oppressive interventions. This is a systemic problem that needs a systemic solution.

Our Burnaby school board instituted a policy to try and deal with the systemic problem. We now have a multi-faith multi-ethnic group of homophobes running for school board demanding that their children NOT be taught that all people'e lives are valuable not just those lived in heterosexual families.

Sun, 2011-10-23 14:59

#17

Stockholm

No, but I guess great minds think alike!

Sun, 2011-10-23 15:04

#18

Maysie

Northern Shoveler wrote:
Our Burnaby school board instituted a policy to try and deal with the systemic problem. We now have a multi-faith multi-ethnic group of homophobes running for school board demanding that their childrenNOT be taught that all people'e lives are valuable not just those lived in heterosexual families.

Ack! Sounds like someone needs to see my CV, and my rates.

Stockholm wrote:
No, but I guess great minds think alike!

Double Ack!

Thu, 2011-10-27 23:27

#19

Unionist

It gets worse:

[url=http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/breakingnews/tory-mp-who-appeared-in-an... MP who appeared in anti-bullying video once called homosexuality a sin[/url]

Quote:
A Conservative MP who once described homosexuality as a sin is refusing to explain his participation in a video honouring a gay teen who was bullied before his suicide. [...]

David Sweet, who represents a southern Ontario riding, was once the president of the Christian men's organization Promise Keepers Canada. The Toronto Star asked Sweet if he felt homosexuality was a sin in a 2002 interview.

"Yes, absolutely," Sweet said at the time. "We take the Scriptures as the word of God. We look at homosexual behaviour and say that's not what's prescribed in the Scripture."

Thu, 2011-10-27 23:45

#20

laine lowe laine lowe's picture

I think it's really hypocritical of those Conservative MPs to jump on the "It Gets Better" bandwagon. I don't think Dan Savage has any vetting protocol for what gets published as an official IGB message but when it comes to something like this, I think he should. This is so disingenuous especially with people like Toews and Sweet participating. To think of the heartfelt, genuine videos made like the one from a Texas municipal politician who is openly gay in a very conservative area and compare it to what these opportunists have done just makes me sick.

Tue, 2011-12-06 04:51

#21

Red Tory Tea Girl

Stockholm: I frequently don't respond to things said about me. This does not make it a tacit admission that those assertions are true.

Honestly, and it's sad to say, since I have said before that so vicious a partisan is he that I tend to shudder when he agrees with me, but John Baird was very brave to vote for C-389 while in the cabinet. He didn't get to pull the plug on parliament after getting a vote that would please his base on record but without having to pass it, much to the relief of the transphobic wing of his party... just sayin. (And yeah, I didn't even consider voting Conservative for a second in the last election, and I wouldn't even if it was John Baird vs. Michelle Landsberg in a two-way race in my riding because other things also matter.)

That said, seeing as Dan Savage plagerized Kate Bornstein's Hello Cruel World and left out the good bits created IGB after yet another transmisogynistic outburst, for which he got massive flack, and no, he still hasn't gotten around to excising the T-word from his lexicon, or mentioning trans issues when he's asked to speak about LGBT issues, (the latter I find more vexing) I think I know who my allies are.

Also, David Sweet can shut up about what Leviticus says is a sin unless he also keeps kosher and doesn't wear poly-cotton blend, whether or not he, like Tommy Douglas affirmed in the '68 leaders' debate, believes my sexual orientation to be a sin.

Thu, 2012-01-26 23:49

#22

Howard

Has this or this been discussed recently?

Fri, 2012-01-27 02:47

#23

Ken Burch

What's your point?

Outing right-wing gay politicians and political staffers is not the same thing as bullying gay kids.

Fri, 2012-01-27 08:06

#24

Howard

I was following the thread drift, which had turned from the subject of bullying gay kids to the homophobic bullying carried out by Conservative politicians, many of whom have gay staffers and some of whom are themselves gay. How long does such homophobic bullying by Conservative politicians get a free pass in Canada before there are some consequences for the bullies themselves?

Fri, 2012-01-27 10:12

#25

Ken Burch

Thanks for the clarification. I thought you were implying that right-wing closeted gays who get "outed" should be considered just as much victims as the gay kids who get bullied in school. I'm glad I read that wrong.

Fri, 2012-01-27 19:26

#26

Red Tory Tea Girl

Stockholm wrote:

There is now a lot of debate in the blogosphere about the Tory video. From what I can tell opinion is polarized as follows:

*virtually everyone who actually is LGBTQ is not at all impressed with a bunch of homophobic Tories who have spent their lives helping create a culture of hate against LGBTQ people saying that teens contemplating suicide should "get help", the the Tories in the video as hypocrits or worse and see it all as some sort of Tory PR exercise.

*on the other hand a lot of str8 "do-gooders" keep scolding us for being critical and seem to think that LGBTQ are being ungrateful and we should get on our hands and knees and thank Harper and his minions because for all of their homophobis in the past - at least its a "step in the right direction" that they actually think that its a bad thing when a gay teen commits suicide! These people also think we should pop champagne corks and celebrate because John Baird ACTUALLY opposes gays being executed in Uganda! How generous of you Minister Baird - you think gays in Uganda should be allowed to live! With ground breaking, brave, risk-taking stances like that - maybe you'll get the EGALE citizen of the year award next year!

What next? Maybe a bunch rightwing GOP Tea Party types who are racist to the core will do a video saying that they deplore slavery and lynching - and let's see how impressed African-Americans are with that.

It also reminds me of seeing all these mysogynistic rightwing neocon crackpots in the US who try to justify the invasion of Afghanistan - because they are doing it for the sake of women's liberation in Afghanistan! (too bad they are so against rights for women in the US)

Good to see you saying that. It's a nice change of pace from people falling over themselves to defend the pro-trans bonifides of politicians who have fallen over themselves to ensure trans rights legislation doesn't pass... well, as long as they're right wing.

That said, it's deeply troubling to have IGB founded by such a blatantly classist, biphobic, ablist, transmisogynist, etc. individual as Dan Savage, especially when he plagarized [badly] the concept from Kate Bornstein's Hello Cruel World.