Weddings and sexism

Though I am a huge non-believer in weddings, keeping the bride secluded is more of a situation of the bride having a [b]ta da[/b] moment and being the centre of attention as Michelle said. And considering the fact in most marriages that is the only centre of attention moment the woman will have, I say she should have it! [img]wink.gif" border="0[/img]

My understanding is that the tradition used to be for the bride and groom to meet the priest at the church door and proceed up the aisle together. I'm not sure when this changed.

Husband and I got up that morning, washed the car, got dressed, visited with the relatives, had our pictures taken, had a few drinks then went together to the church and walked up the aisle at the same time.

I did wear a veil though, and he poked me in the eye when he tried to lift it up.

Count me in as someone who doesn't see it as sexist at all. It's just a little drama -- or revealing the "star" of the show, so to speak.

You know, when Fonzi would saunter in on Happy Days and the audience would be cued to go wild...

I walked my sister down the aisle for her wedding, but then when she asked me to 'give her away' I eagerly asked "When? now?"

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the tradition that really bothers me is the fathera "giving away" the bride. this probably has to do with giving away her virginity- but now adays women in canada are no one's possesion. It's like using the word "obey" in your wedding vows- I'll obey myself.

[ 11 December 2007: Message edited by: Pride for Red Dolores ]

Ahh, you beat me to it, remind.

But you're right, there has been a lot of press about "charity" balls lately.

Feministing posted about them earlier this week after the [url=http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-purity_bddec02,0,3915... Tribune posted this:[/url]

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"It's like I'm devoting my virginity to my dad, saying that I will stay pure because it is the Christian thing to do," said Lindsay Anne Schell, 18, a freshman at Bradley University in Peoria. "The rose shows the world that you are devoting your purity to God and to your father."

In an age of "sex buddies," "friends with benefits" and "sexual friendships," father-daughter purity balls have become an increasingly popular trend among conservative Christians in the campaign for abstinence instead of condoms. Since the first event was held in Colorado Springs in 1998, the concept -- that holding on to one's virginity until marriage is ordered by God -- has spread to 48 states.

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Ick.

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Originally posted by Pride for Red Dolores:[b]why not dedicate your purity to your mother ?[/b]

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Well, first off I say, why dedicate it to anyone else other than yourself, if that is what you are into? Nobody else has to live with any consequences, that may come from having sex, other than oneself in any end result.

Secondly, it is about ownership of women pure and simple. They can brainwash their daughters and wives all they want that it is following [i][b] God's[/b][/i]dictates, but that does not mean it is not: a lie, and is not outright making their daughters and wives in [b]objects [/b] that are owned by the male.

P.S. I made sure "obey" wasn't in my wedding vows. I think it was "love, honour and respect" for both of us. But I don't remember for sure. Hard to believe it was a whole decade ago!

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Originally posted by Pride for Red Dolores:[b]I forgot about the fact that women's main resource has to be controlled by men to assure heredity- [/b]

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Biological lineage is more of a instinct driven mechanism, and has little to do with the state of marriage. Sowing ones seeds everywhere fulfills that instinctual urge.

Having said that, I do believe controlling a woman's progenity is about controlling a resource, or rather was in the first place about that. And perhaps in some ways still is.

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[b]that likely why one doesn't dedicate one's purity to one's mother- all purity is controlled by men. After all, we're such a lustful, bunch how could anyone but a man control us ? The whole idea that women aren't sexual comes from the absolute paranoia that we are, and the loss of the above control and breaking out of our gender role.[/b]

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I do not believe that men fear women being sexual at all, I think they fear the loss of power, as having it and it brings has become an addiction. An addiction made even more terrible, than others, because of the significant benefits it brings to men, and men alone. The harm can be over looked they think, as it seems to be very small to them.

Life, death and the meaning of a wedding dress

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One year ago, I married a super cool and fun dude. Skipping the boring details, I will just say that after many other options were exhausted, we realized that a city hall marriage was necessary, now. We nailed down two witnesses, called our parents and grandparents ("Can we come?" "Naah don't bother"), and I bought an inexpensive navy sundress I knew I would wear all summer.

I won't pretend I didn't practice my full wedding-day look in the mirror a handful of times, but all things considered, the preparation was insanely low-key. The day itself (coinciding with New York State's ratification of marriage equality! Woohoo!) was equally no-fuss and, suddenly, we were married. We promised our families that we would follow it up with a ‘real' wedding at home this coming summer, and we now find ourselves preparing for this bizarre, emotionally-charged second event.

I need to back up a little and confess something. Although I no longer recognize that person, I grew up as obsessed with wedding weddings as any child that ever existed. I had a 'wedding ideas' scrapbook (aka lo-fi Pinterest board) filled with pictures of dresses, cakes, invitations, shoes, and decorating schemes from Martha Stewart Weddings and InStyle Weddings (barf). From the time I was six or seven, I kept a binder of make-believe wedding plans for people I had invented, complete with seating plans, vendor information, menus, and sketches of gowns. I admit to this only to convince you that my wholesale abandonment of and scorn for the wedding industry has been arrived at honestly. I have lived the other side of that breathless what-gown-will-I-wear-omg-it-has-to-be-the-best-one-so-I-look-beautiful-in-all-the-pictures experience, and it is all a load of bullshit.

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Though I do feel strongly that women are misled and cheated into wasting enormous sums of money by the bridal industry, I do not wish to focus on this for fear of offending anyone who has chosen to buy into the whole charade. That is your choice, though I wish you'd make another one, because I love you. Instead, this is meant to be a reflection on the process of creating a dress that can provide me the same satisfaction and comfort that those white satin whatzits seem to provide ladies on TV.

Dressing for any party is usually a process of trying to feel as good as you can under certain constraints including time, what's clean that day, and how much you actually care. None of these constraints really apply on one's wedding day, but the desire to feel as good as possible about one's clothes is the same, only heightened. I don't care much about how I'll look in photographs (it's never good, so why try), but I get the sense that with more people than average paying attention to me on that day, I don't want to be distracted by feelings of discomfort, either physical or the mental kind that comes from wearing something not quite right. To me, the solution is obvious. I will of course wear red, because red is the best color in the world.

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We are reassured throughout our lives that our elders are responsible for the physical way we appear in the world, but in truth we inherit so much more: traditions, clothing, our models for relationships, happiness, and graceful passing when the time comes, among so many other things.

When we do not have these people present to assure us as we pass from one phase of life to another, it is no mystery why the garments they leave behind find such pride of place within our rites and rituals.

Weddings force a lot of people to make promises they cannot and will not keep. At the very least, incorporating the material of our past allows us to keep our promise to remember.