Dec 6th service question

15 posts / 0 new

Wed, 2012-12-05 14:27

quizzical

my mom is in a flap about where the Dec 6th service is being held and is refusing to attend it. Its sponsored by the local VAW agency, but the service is being held in a fundamentalist christian church this year. seems it’s usually held in the high school or the Anglican United.

this church started when a splinter group broke off from the Anglican United because of open acceptance of gays. Or something along what mom calls “regressive” lines.

my question is; should she be boycotting the service ‘cause of this?

she says she “won’t be seen giving tacit approval of this church in the community’s eyes”. it’s a small community and anyone’s attendance would be seen as the church is on the main drag.

Wed, 2012-12-05 14:51

Bacchus

She should do whatever she feels is right for her. Perhaps starting another version with like minded women?

Wed, 2012-12-05 14:51

lagatta

I most certainly wouldn't go.

Wed, 2012-12-05 19:58

MegB

I wouldn't go - I'd find another way to observe the day.

Wed, 2012-12-05 20:05

Sineed

Ditto. Fundamentalist Christianity is profoundly misogynistic, forgiving or even promoting violence against women in the name of orthodoxy. To hold a Dec. 6th service in a fundamentalist Christian church is an insult to the memory of murdered women.

Wed, 2012-12-05 22:04

quizzical

tks for your responses they pretty much mirror my mom's.

she isgoing to the service in the next community.

Wed, 2012-12-05 22:16

Michelle

I wouldn't go either. Good for your mom for standing on principle!

That said, the other side of it could be that the VAW group is simply renting the church hall and the church itself has nothing to do with the event. I don't know the details of this particular event, but that could make a difference to some people.

Not to me, though. I wouldn't darken the door of such a church.

Thu, 2012-12-06 10:23

quizzical

there’s no hall rental. just the church. i really want to thank you all again for your comments. was pretty closed to mom ‘bout it and wouldn’t discuss with her. but after reading your comments last night we had a talk.

she thinks it’s just the local VAW agency manager sucking up to the “elite” in town who started it. and the “social dynamics of who make up the elite just make it worse”. she’s gone so far as to pull her support of the agency ‘cause she says “they can no longer be a credible support for all the women in the community”.

Thu, 2012-12-06 10:30

Michelle

Well, here's the thing - an agency like that can't necessarily pick and choose where they get their support. So if this church wanted to support them by offering them, say, a free space to hold their remembrance, it might be difficult to say no. After all, evangelical women and women from the "elite" experience violence too, and it could be seen as shutting them out if the VAW refuses even friendly and non-religious support from a church.

And also unfortunately, that's the way our society is structured - charities and non-profits have to "suck up" to the elite and the power-brokers in order to get funding. So I can see the predicament they may have been in.

That said, I'd have rather held the service outside somewhere (candlelight memorials outside are beautiful and meaningful) than to hold it inside a church of any kind, whether regressive or not, simply because a church can be alienating to those who aren't Christian. So I definitely see where your mom is coming from, too. But I'm not sure I would withdraw my financial support of the agency because of that. The more the grassroots abandons the agency financially, the more they'll have to "suck up" to the power-brokers and elite in town.

Thu, 2012-12-06 11:03

#10

6079_Smith_W

You have to do what feels right for you; I don't think anyone has to feel guilty or explain at all about why she might not want to go into a church, or not take part in a certain service.

On the other hand, if it gets to the point of recrimination or fighting over presumed ownership, there are no winners there, and it just looks bad on everyone. Best to mark what is important about this day, and leave the rest for some other time, IMO.

Thu, 2012-12-06 11:09

#11

quizzical

i definitely see where you're coming from michelle. i think the agency gets its funding from the province and district and through donations. i'm going to mention what you said to mom she's coming for coffee in a bit. tks :)

Thu, 2012-12-06 12:39

#12

milo204

when i was younger i used to go to punk shows that were held in church basements and vetrans halls. might seem a little strange with the anti military songs and anti religion stances in the lyrics...not to mention a bunch of kids wearing shirts with pentagrams and anarchist/pacifist symbols on them

but as far as we were concerned the address was meaningless, these were some of the few places you could have an all ages show and that was all that mattered.

Thu, 2012-12-06 12:55

#13

MegB

Michelle wrote:

Well, here's the thing - an agency like that can't necessarily pick and choose where they get their support. So if this church wanted to support them by offering them, say, a free space to hold their remembrance, it might be difficult to say no. After all, evangelical women and women from the "elite" experience violence too, and it could be seen as shutting them out if the VAW refuses even friendly and non-religious support from a church.

And also unfortunately, that's the way our society is structured - charities and non-profits have to "suck up" to the elite and the power-brokers in order to get funding. So I can see the predicament they may have been in.

That said, I'd have rather held the service outside somewhere (candlelight memorials outside are beautiful and meaningful) than to hold it inside a church of any kind, whether regressive or not, simply because a church can be alienating to those who aren't Christian. So I definitely see where your mom is coming from, too. But I'm not sure I would withdraw my financial support of the agency because of that. The more the grassroots abandons the agency financially, the more they'll have to "suck up" to the power-brokers and elite in town.

Really good points. I've never, actually, been to an indoor commemoration. It's always been standing in a park or public space with a candle nestled in a dixie cup, with people speaking to the issue and a moment of silence. I think I prefer the outdoors, though I have no point of reference for comparison.

ETA: I remember attending a candlelight vigil in Toronto, several years ago, with a friend of mine who'd endured and survived intense and horrific physical and sexual abuse. During the silent part of the vigil, she clung to me and emitted a silent scream. A breath of intense emotion. I cannot convey what she felt, only what I felt, being a survivor. Both of us being survivors, and me being the stronger one (not true). It was an experience that needed to be. Call it catharsis, airing of crap, whatever. The December 6th observances have use for all women, but especially for women who have survived abuse. And for those who haven't.

Thu, 2012-12-06 16:45

#14

quizzical

well.....she didn't agree. said she doesn't "appreciate or accept pandering to the bigoted elite or fundamentalists by political parties, why in hell would she approve the local VAW agency doing it." also, she said the service is being conducted by the "new" (to town) pastor who is male and it never has been a man before and doesn't think it should be...ever.

think they won't hold it outside because the weather could be blizzarding or major windchill.

anyhow i'm going to see what's happens. and because i can't go to the next town but as a formerly abused woman i wanna participate. if he starts going down a path he shouldn't i'll just walk out.

Thu, 2012-12-06 17:13

#15

Michelle

Fair enough.

As for a man running the service - WTF? That IS completely out to lunch. A male pastor of a fundamentalist church is running the December 6th memorial? That puts a completely different light on it. I wouldn't go either - that's beyond the pale.

That said, I wouldn't criticize you for going - I understand that for you it's a choice of attending this or nothing. Too bad you couldn't have gone with your mom to the next town...