Your Excellency the Right Honorable Mme. Michaëlle Jean: I just want to say that it is so cool to have you as our Governor-General!

Like John Ibbitson in The Globe and Mail, Andrew Coyne in the National Postand countless other gushers of purple prose in the media punditry, I am sogoddamn proud that when it comes to choosing a local stand-in for ourdynastic monarch, we only go for the best.

You are such an inspiration to all us colonial plebs, Your Excellency. Justlooking at you, it’s so obvious why you were chosen. Of course, it hadnothing to do with your pretty face or politically correct skin tone. Toeven suggest such a thing would be sexist and racist, to say nothing of aterrible breach of vice-regal decorum.

Now it is true that there are some deeply cynical folks in Ottawa who wouldstoop to anything for political advantage, as the Mulroney tapes have sorecently reminded us. But not Paul Martin surely. Cynical, manipulative — how could anyone accuse him of being that? I’m sure the idea that you wouldbe a useful “token” never crossed his mind.

No, Your Excellency, it is not the outer shell but the inner person thatmakes you special. You are such a wonderful role model, as you yourself keeptelling us. In your installation speech — which Andrew Coyne breathlesslycalled a “siren song of freedom” — you ever so modestly held out your ownlife as “a lesson in learning to be free.” You are the personification ofthe Canadian Dream, you are “the becoming of Canada,” as John Ibbitson putit so wonderfully well. It is virtually a patriotic duty to fall in lovewith you.

Like everyone else, I was struck by the story of your family’s flight frompolitical persecution in Haiti back in the Sixties. Alas, as we all know,Haiti is still very much in the grip of political oppression and itsterrible poverty is the worst of any country in the Western hemisphere. Yet,apart from furnishing a backdrop to your personal “siren song of freedom,”you made only a passing mention of the plight of your native land.

Of course from your exalted position “above” politics, it would beinappropriate for Your Excellency to comment on current political issues. Itwould be inappropriate to point out that in February of last year theCanadian government — led by the same idealist Paul Martin who appointed youG-G — joined with the American and French governments to oust thedemocratically elected president of Haiti, Jean-Bertrand Aristide.

It wouldbe inappropriate to point out that ever since then there has been a reign ofterror unleashed on the Haitian population reminiscent of the dark days ofthe Duvalier regime. It would be inappropriate to point out that in its roleof training the national police, the Martin government bears a directresponsibility for the violent suppression of political dissent in Haiti,including the shooting down of demonstrators from the slums ofPort-au-Prince, where support for Aristide remains very high.

It would beinappropriate to point out that Aristide has himself stated that members ofthe Canadian government of which you are now the nominal head “have Haitianblood on their hands.” To bring any of this up would have jarred with thesweet melody of your “siren song of freedom.”

Of course some callous people might wonder what sort of a role model thatmakes you. They might wonder why anyone who truly felt solidarity with thepeople of her homeland would choose to become the official adornment for agovernment with Haitian blood on its hands. They might wonder whether thereal lesson of your life isn’t learning how to be free but how to get ahead.

But as I say, Your Excellency, only callous people could think suchthoughts. When one looks at you together with your prince of a husband, whodoesn’t seem to have any qualms about going from making documentaries aboutthe FLQ to being a vice-regal consort, then one knows one is in the presenceof people of the highest ethical standards.

If you will pardon a further observation, it is remarkable how feudalism ismaking a comeback these days. First we had Lady Di, thatcontradiction-in-terms: “a people’s princess.” Then we colonials were blestwith your magnificent predecessor Adrienne Clarkson, who strode the worldstage like a Chinese empress with her philosopher-king consort John RalstonSaul.

It has been widely noted that both you and Ms. Clarkson worked for the CBCas journalists, but a more interesting parallel, in my view, is that you areboth from a small l-liberal and progressive intellectual milieu. This isnoteworthy because as little as a generation ago, the attitude within thismilieu to the monarchy and institutions like the Governor-General and theSenate would have been overwhelmingly negative. Now something has changed:feudalism is becoming chic, postmodern, multicultural. Your Excellency isthe perfect emblem of that.

A telling sign of this change is the attitude of the political left. In thepast the NDP, and its predecessor the CCF, were well known for theiropposition to the monarchy and even (in unguarded moments of radicalenthusiasm) of espousing the heresy of republicanism. But the current NDPleader, Jack Layton, had only words of praise for your appointment. He wentso far as to say that it was “particularly fitting” that you should assumeyour duties as commander-in-chief of the armed forces because you “know wellthe value of the peacekeeping operations that give Canadians so much pride.”

Now here it seems to me that Mr. Layton’s enthusiasm got the better of him,because proud is the last thing Canadians would be if they widely understoodthe murderous role their troops were playing in Haiti.

But perhaps Mr. Layton was only making a jest. The truth is that he is inneed of some humorous diversion these days as his policy of propping up theMartin government has only had the predictable result of boosting Liberalpolitical fortunes at the expense of his own party.

Who knows? If things gobadly in the next election, Mr. Layton might be considering a change ofemployment. Why not eventually follow in your footsteps to Rideau Hall?After all, if a felquiste supporter can be vice-regal consort, why not a“socialist” for Governor-General? (I know, there was Ed Schreyer, but no onecould have mistaken him for a socialist. Come to think of it, the same istrue of Layton, but that’s another story.) I think he and Olivia would do abang-up job.

As you say, Your Excellency, it is high time in this countrythat we “break the solitudes.” Left or right, French or English, black orwhite — all can serve in the feudal elite of the 21st century.