I’m no politico. Yes, I keep a keen eye on The Globe andMail and an open ear on the CBC. Yes, I raged in the streets ofMontreal in the tense days before the war in Iraq. I was chased downthe street by a militarized-gorilla riot cop during thenetanyahootenany at Concordia, firing teargas canisters at my back. (I, fresh from the West Coast, thinking to myself, “Oh man, is thisever awesome. This would never happen in Nanaimo!”)

Yes, I try topay attention and talk and listen about politics. It is my social andmoral duty as a free citizen of Canada.

But I’m flaccidly discouraged. Thus, I am semi-apathetic and gettingmore so every day. Why the hell should I pay attention to thosestuffed shirts and ironing boards, playing with peoples lives,destroying the world while they eat hundred-dollar steak tartare inhundred-dollar socks? I’m lucky if I ever get to see steak tartare,never mind dunk my socks in it.

My generalized view of the currentworld political situation is this: save for a handful of marginallyhonest officials with a shred of conscience, politics is for those whocan dance around questions, smile pretty, flex their pseudo-musclesthe best and rake in the bucks. They are ultimately serving themselvesand who can blame them? It’s a carnal instinct to “look out fornumber one,” is it not?

When gwb (non-capitalization intended for obvious reasons) wasre-elected, the smarmy look on his face was unmistakable: he knew thenthat he was absolved for everything he had done as president and couldnow do anything he pleased. The people had spoken. They actually liked him. “Hey dad… theyactually like me! They really really do!”

It put a dump truck through my balloon of hope that the world wasn’t asfanatically right wing as it appeared to be. After all, theConservatives were defeated in the most recent Canadian election(albeit, gaining more seats and providing us with the Liberal minority government)on the platform that they would’ve aligned themselves more with theU.S.

Canadians won’t have this. The Liberals are arrogant and yes,they’ve squandered millions amidst several boondoggles, waffling andflip-flopping from St. John’s to Victoria. Paul Martin is apolished rich idiot, but Jack Layton is a loudmouth, leading the partyto which I most align my views, but the one I don’t think could ever float inthis day and age. (Why? Ever pay attention to B.C. politics?)

Stephen Harper, though conviction-based, is far too concerned withpleasing those who control him. He lacks the true visionand individuality of a real leader. He is a social numbnuts whose powerand charm has only come from always being the smartest one in theroom. I was there at the Conservative convention after-party inMontreal, watching a room full of uptight Conservatives party downTory-style — Cuban cigars and expensive finger sandwiches and all thegrey wool you could possibly stuff in one room — a situation Ithought I’d never ever get the chance to be in, but there I was.

I’m talking to some $80k bmw-in-a-tie pretending to be hip. (I’mpretending to be a reporter for The Western Standard while I’mactually writing a piece for lefty community radio.) The mood is solight for these guys, everybody is getting hammered and the music ishot and all right! Who saunters into the room? It suddenly becomesinstantaneously icy and rigid throughout the entire bar. Coldshoulders, nervous laughter and whispers of “there he is. I don’twant to talk to him,” hover throughout the room. Mr. Harper proceedsto the bar, gets a drink and goes and quietly sits by himself in thecorner.

Whoa, slow down there, Rick James. Charlie Sheen out of towntonight? Didja hit it a little too hard last night with Belinda,Peter and Robert Downey Jr? Mingle, you fool. I tried to say helloand offer him a Cuban (that I probably paid for) but he was too busylooking at his shoes and looking sad. Smart, but sad. If the peoplehe is leading are a little too scared to approach him and pound back acouple brew-dawgs with him, how are they gonna stand behind him whenhe wants to go to war with gwb’s thumb up his ass? (Footnote: bmwtold me that Jack Layton and Paul Martin are total party maniacs.)

I can’t understand this world. There is such a division between thepoliticians’ world of politics and the citizens’ world of politics. Itis unbridgeable. They have their own language and dress code that havenothing to do with people in the real world. Politics is a business,not a cause. So, what I’ve learned from politics is easy: learn howto smile and tie a tie. Comb your hair just right, get a goodphotographer. Surround yourself with powerful people, learn to leanboth ways, have convictions in both directions. Don’t rock the boatand you’ll get a yacht. These are the people leading us.

*Sigh* … and you wonder why I’m discouraged?