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Gavin McInnes thinks male violence feeds babies, explains to women what women think

Throw a little gasoline on the hipster sexism fire, folks -- co-founder of Vice magazine* and "Godfather of hipsterdom," Gavin McInnes threw a misogynistic tantrum on Huffington Post Live during a discussion about contemporary masculinity on Monday. Little known fact: Gavin McInnes is not only a scientist and knower of all facts, but he can SEE INSIDE OUR BRAINS, ladies. And what does he see? Misery.

McInnes drops so many truth bombs in the discussion that it's hard to know where to begin, but his basic premise is that male aggression is natural and that feminism has made women miserable by forcing them to pretend to be men. You know how we all do that? Yeah. Well now we can stop. "You're welcome" - Gavin McInnes.

It's weird because I don't have any babies and I hate doing chores, yet... strangely... I... feel... happy... what with my intact vagina, my ability to sleep in and the daily joy I experience when I don't have to clean up another human being's poo. I'm pretty sure McInnes would like to chalk me up to "anecdotal evidence," if not for this little thing some of us like to call "history."

Inside Gavin's special little head, feminism has made women miserable. The problem with this argument is that, before feminism, women were miserable. And that's why feminism was invented.

Let's go ahead and assume that because one doesn't need to actually read things in order to know ALL TRUE FACTS ABOUT EVERYTHING, Gavin has never heard of "the problem that has no name." Don't worry, little buddy. We'll help you out on this one.

"The problem that has no name" is what Betty Friedan wrote about in her book, The Feminine Mystique. That book was published way back in 1963! (Seven short years before little Gavin would grace this earth with his omniscient presence.) Friedan surveyed women across America during the '50s (So that's, like, 50 years ago, Gav. Way to stay abreast of cutting-edge research.) and found they were depressed and unfulfilled and didn't know why. It was weird because they'd been told that fulfilling their "natural" roles as homemakers, mothers, and wives would bring them happiness. Turns out women had been fed a bunch of bullshit -- coincidentally, the very same bullshit spewing out of Gavin's mouth today.

As a professional scientist who knows all facts about everything, it's odd that he would argue we go back 50 years and try something that already failed once, very badly.

Despite the millions of women around the world who aren't supported by a male "breadwinner," McInnes argues that men, indeed, are the breadwinners "in the majority of cases." Lucky you, 10 million single mothers of the world! Lucky you, 15 million fatherless children in America! LUCKY YOU, EVERYONE! Gavin McInnes is telling the truth about REAL LIFE AND FACTS that fly in the face of history, statistics, and actual research. The courage it must take to blatantly lie in front of the entire world. *Swoooon* Ahem, I mean *blow jooobs*

Since only men run businesses and since men are naturally violent, it's only reasonable to conclude that violence is necessary to make a living, which one needs to do in order to feed one's families. ARE MEN SUPPOSED TO JUST LET US STARVE? That they do is beside the point. Also shush, Gavin is explaining science. Male violence is "crucial to our survival" and, as we all know, men are very, very concerned with women's lives. Hence all the women murdered and beaten and raped by their loving husbands every day.

As we all know (but were afraid to cop to until Gavin McInnes liberated us just right this second), IT'S BEEN PROVEN that women are all miserable, thanks to what else but feminism (Making Women Miserable Since 1920™). It's weird how he knows so much about what women think and need and feel, as a man. What's even more weird is that he doesn't even need to listen to the actual words that come out of women's mouths in order to be able to see inside their pretty pink brains and know exactly what they want (spoiler: it's to grow babies and clean Gavin McInnes' house).

He exhibits this further by calling Mary Anne Franks, another panelist and a professor at the University of Miami School of Law, a "fucking idiot." Okay girls, who spilled the beans? Next he's going to figure out how much we love nonconsensual sex and being put in our place. SECRET'S OUT.

Franks points out that statistics show that both men and women are happier when they accept that there is no such thing as innate "femininity" or "masculinity." In other words, there's no such thing as a "male brain" or a "female brain." Men aren't "naturally" successful or aggressive just as women aren't "naturally" passive homemakers.

Panelist, Micheal Addis, author of Invisible Men, aptly points out that what Gavin is doing (besides pounding his fists on the cave floor) is how masculinity works. Men are told they must behave in _____ way otherwise they will be called wimps, faggots, or (worst of all) "girls." It's those who define "masculinity" in a particular way who bully others into conforming. "This is called the policing of masculinity," Addis says.

McInnes, of course, denies doing any of this (NO, NO, STUPID EVERYONE, HE'S DOING THE OPPOSITE) and claims we are simply "ignoring the vast majority of how people naturally behave." Which is funny because it seems that, actually, Gavin is the one who is ignoring the vast majority of everything that's actually true, scientifically proven, and statistically correct.

"You're the ones doing the enforcing!" angry Gavin cries, before taking all his toys and stomping out of the room.

"You've got guys whose wives won't even take their last names, who stay at home while the wife makes money... When you swing the pendulum so far away from the natural world, you all look like a bunch of fools." Because, as we all know, in the "natural world" a lady orangutan's father will walk her down the aisle in a white dress before sending her off into a life of domestic bliss as Mrs. Ape.

Gavin's "gut" has told him that the "majority of women like being domestic and shaping lives," and if anyone knows the real, inarguable truth about what women "like" it's Gavin McInnes' gut.

All joking aside, this guy is the whiniest, most childish, cry baby, bully asshole I've encountered in some time. I feel so fucking sorry for his wife. If he behaves this way in public I don't even want to imagine how he behaves behind closed doors.

*McInnes left Vice in 2007 because of "creative differences." Good fucking riddance.

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