This just in: an unofficial transcript leaked to rabble.ca. In it, Vancouver City Manager, Penny Ballem strategizes with Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson, Premier Christy Clark, and VPD Chief Jim Chu about how to manage the fallout from the Stanley Cup riot.
The meeting seems to have happened on Wednesday night as the riot was still underway.
“PB: OK, we’ve got a situation here…and it’s not good because we all look like we were totally unprepared for the riot. Bunch of drunken teenagers going berserkers and we let it happen. We need some options, and quickly!
GR: We could blame someone…
CC: I know! I know! Commies!
PB: Christy, calm down. Good idea, but too 1950s. Jim, this is your area, any ideas?
CC: Mexicans? Jews? Indians, you know the local kind?
PB: Christy! Terrible!
CC: Sorry, I was just trying to think inside the box. Space aliens?
CC: The NDP?
PB: Christy, stop it!
PB: C’mon, put on your thinking caps. We need some answers and fast!
JC: People breaking windows just like during the Olympics. Aha! Anarchists!
GB: What’s that? How do you spell it? An-er…or is that an-ir?
PB: Gregor, hush. Good idea Jim, how could anarchists have been responsible? Does anyone know what anarchists are?
CC: I do, I do!
PB: Go ahead, Christy.
CC: Well, they’re bad, really, really bad, ‘cause they do really bad things. And they hate our rights and freedoms just like Al Qaeda. Maybe they’re really the same thing?
GR: How do you spell Al Qaeda?
PB: Gregor, focus!
GB: Sorry. Yeah, I read somewhere they can do mind control and make people do things, you know, like hypnotists. I mean the anarchists…or maybe it was the Al Qaeda-ists…
PB: Promising…what about riots?
JC: I’ve got it! The anarchists made kids drink too much and break things…and set cars on fire. All with mind control.
CC: They’re so baaad! Are they the ones who wear black? What a fashion statement, yuck, so no wonder they’re bad.
PB: Christy, sit down! But this is progress. How about this plan: Gregor, you go out there and say the riot is all the fault of anarchists and hooligans, not loyal Canuck fans. Jim, you go find a black hoodie or a balaclava or something and tell the press that you have evidence for anarchists just waiting since the Olympics to create mayhem. Game 7 was the perfect opportunity for them to strike! Christy, you do the law and order approach, you know, tough on crime, keeping the streets safe for law abiding folks, that sort of thing.
GR: Anarchists and hooligans, or was that anarchist hooligans?
PB: Doesn’t matter, just look sincere when you say it and don’t forget to show lots of teeth. We have an election coming up, you know.
CC: Goody! We’re gonna put all those nasty anarchists in jail where they belong!
PB: That’s the spirit!
JC: Should I mention that we didn’t have a big enough budget to cover the event…and not enough cops on the street?
PB: No!!! Not if you want to keep your job. And I sure want to keep mine… and so does Gregor. OK, off you all go…you all know what to do?
GR: Was that anarchist hooligans, or anarchist criminals?
PB: Gregor, go!
PB (apparently to some staffer): We need to get the media working on the anarchist angle. Call the Sun, Province and Globe. Get CBC on the phone while you’re at it. Tell them that the VPD will provide evidence that the whole riot was planned in advance by anarchists who made innocent Canucks fans riot. Egged them on, came with Molotov cocktails…you know the drill.
Staffer: This is a pretty stupid story, who’s going to believe it?
PB: Honey, listen, we run with this for a few days, then it’s all forgotten as the feel good stories start to trickle in about our brave police officers and fire fighters. Remember how quickly people forgot the Village? The attention span of Vancouverites is about two minutes on a good day.”
The transcript ends here. rabble will keep you updated if other documents, official or unofficial, surface.