I’m starting my fifth year as a columnist for The Sunday Daily News. In January 1999, the editor at the time, Bill Turpin, took me to lunch. He had heard me on the radio and asked if I would start writing a column about whatever I wanted. My deadline would be Friday mornings at 11, for publication on Sundays.

I asked Turpin for advice and he said, “Avoid the word ‘I’ and never use ‘I think.’”

A photographer came around to take the photograph you see here. It’s difficult to tell, but I actually ironed my shirt. I do look that sour sometimes, but recently a reader wrote to say he had seen me in person at an event and couldn’t believe how much nicer I look in person. I got new glasses about two years ago, and my hair is quite a bit longer. My weight yo-yos up and down.

The columns that bring me the most positive written response are about cats or my mother. The funny ones bring more response on the street. People were the most shocked when I wrote about having a dream about having a penis. Negative response comes mostly from rocking boatloads of sacred cows.

In 1999, Jerry Fallwell said that Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubbie, was gay. I responded with a list outing other characters as gay couples, including Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd, and Casey and Finnigan, all of which seemed to sit fine with folks; but putting Bert and Ernie on the list went too far, and I got angry mail.

The biggest uproar was in November 2001, after I wrote a column about not wearing a Remembrance Day poppy. Letters flooded in; other columnists wrote about it.

In 2002, there were columns about my distaste for the Harbour Hopper and Theodore Tugboat. Turns out some people are really attached to them.

Mail that is sent to The Daily News addressed to me is forwarded to me, unopened. Mail that is sent to the editor I never see, unless it is published.

The nicest way to write a column is to see something in the news on Monday or Tuesday and feel excited in one way or another. Wednesday gives time for research and mulling things over, and Thursday can be for the first draft. That way, Friday morning can be a lovely time, rewriting, polishing, while the cat purrs and a sweet gentle snow falls. This, unfortunately, rarely happens.

The worst way to write a column is to procrastinate and be left with no option but to get up early on Friday morning, with no ideas at all. Something will always happen, but it can be painful.

Although, like anyone, I like recognition and appreciation, mostly I don’t like to be recognized on the street. I seem to always have dirty hair or be wearing sweatpants or be in the middle of some nasty mood. People will rarely criticize a column to me in person; the most they’ll say is something like, “I read you all the time but I don’t always agree with you…” which I take as a compliment. It’s nice to know some people will read this column no matter what. Thanks.