I’m not completely sold on the idea of legal gay marriages. I’m not sure if I can explain about this and not sound like an idiot. Of course the radical dyke, small el liberal side of me wants gay marriages to be legal. I’m against discrimination based on any differences, including sexual orientation. I want all gay and lesbian people to have the same rights (and obligations) that straight people have.

In July, an Ontario court ruled the prohibition against legally sanctioned gay and lesbian unions to be discriminatory and unconstitutional. Parliament was given two years in which to produce a new designation that would include same-sex marriages. Newspapers published photos of couples who always seemed to come from the same mold: good clean haircuts, no visible piercings — earnest, serious, decent, non-threatening middle-aged men and women with matching wedding rings and neat clothing.

Two weeks later, it was announced that instead of beginning the slow bureaucratic grind to comply with the order, the federal government has chosen to continue its court battle against legalizing marriage for two men or two women, a stunt with a price tag estimated at $CDN10 million dollars (coincidentally, the cost of most heterosexual weddings). More pictures of the poor, formerly legally confirmed bachelor boys or girls next door.

Why would anyone want to get married at all? I can’t think of a marriage I’d want. What I can think of are examples of supporting, loving relationships where two people have the gumption to stick it out through thick or thin. Still, I can’t comprehend why two people already in it for the long haul, often after years of living together, would want to ape heterosexual convention and get hitched. I understand there are tax breaks and property and succession rights, and that we all want to fit in and have a nice place to raise the kids, but just ask yourself, “How many legally sanctioned marriages end in divorce?”

And is it just me, or do too many hetero weddings seem to be more about the trappings of the day — the dress, the cake, the presents, the honeymoon? I suppose there’s a difference between weddings and commitment ceremonies. And maybe those who have already said “I do” in private have the right idea.

Instead of making marriage accessible to gays, perhaps our policy makers should consider making marriage more difficult for heterosexuals. Prove your commitment by having an enduring and loving relationship. By all means, have a celebration to declare it to the world. See a lawyer for the pieces of paper.

The government’s stalling tactics are expensive and ultimately futile; the tide is too big, the wave of public acceptance for same-sex marriage is swelling. All of me sees that. Maybe I’m just not the marrying kind. But when the day comes that a lesbian can marry a lesbian, I think I’ll just marry myself and keep all the loot that washes ashore.