Do you often find yourself in need of the perfect portmanbro — that is to say, a portmanteau created by combining an existing word with the word bro? If so, I present you with the bronomicon* — a lexicon containing a selection of perfect bro terms. A lesson in brocution, if you will. Please feel free to add your own brophemisms in the comments.
Bro-down — A type of bro folk dance, or an event that has many bros in attendance.
Bro-Choice, Bro-Life — Bros who value the lives and well-being of other bros over literally everything else.
Brocrastination — Avoiding work by engaging in aggressively bro-like activities, such as cat-calling or shot-gunning a beer.
Broetry — The style of poetry composed by bros. Defined by Monica Lita Storssas “a gorgeous male tribalism that reaches deep through shared history and experience, to a place beyond the snap of a hot August cross-breeze and tilted beers.” (via @meghanlbell)
Brofessional — a bro that has pupated into a Suit (via @MaraWritesStuff)
Brogrammers — Computer programming bros; often seen tweeting stupid shit about ethics in games journalism.
Brogressives, Brocialists and Manarchists — the keffiyeh and horned-rim glasses wearing bros who like to get involved with any and all social justice movements, if by “get involved” you mean “try their damnedest to take over”
Brohemians — Trust fund bros slumming it in cheap incense-stinking apartments, smoking weed and writing bad prose (“brose”? — Ed.). Brohemians are often (though not always) white dudes with dreadlocks. (via @JonahPMix)
Brojolais — A bro’s favourite wine (via @oytamarind)
Broletariat — The horde of working class bros; can be shortened to “broles.”
Broligarchy — A form of power structure in which power effectively rests with a small number of bros, most often distinguished by the power of their bro-ness. (via @theskyisblack)
Bro-magnon — An un-evolved bro. A brototype of a bro. (via @RonArsenault)
Bromance — A beautiful romance between bros; not necessarily sexual, often just a meeting of the bro minds.
Bromarillion — An extensive, gratingly pretentious narrative about the origin of bros. (via @nataliezed)
Bromosexual — A bro who is exclusively attracted to other bros, whether he’s willing to admit it or not.
Bropocalypse — When the bros finally bring about the end times. Think Walking Dead, but with less zombies and more bros. (via @quaintmagazine)
Bropossum — An opossum who also happens to be a bro. The “bro” is silent. (via@theschwasound)
Brotesque — An adjective often used to describe something both horrible and bro-like. (via @SofiaSamatar)
Brotocracy — A political philosophy which holds that power should be invested in individuals almost exclusively according to their bro-ness. For example, the indie literary scene is a total brotocracy.
Brotographer — A sensitive bro with an eye for composition. Spends all of his money on film equipment; will lecture you for hours about what lenses he uses to achieve various effects. Boring as fuck. (via @OpheliaInWaders)
Brotox — A term for the form of toxic masculinity experienced by bros. (via@thesuncannon)
Broverdose — When you’ve had to endure too many bros. (via @LadySnarksalot)
Higgs Broson — Otherwise known as the “bro particle,” it is the elementary particle that proves the existence of a bro. (via @mgpcoe)
MacBook Bro — The preferred computer of the bro nation. (via @bicyclecomics)
Mangst — A special kind of angst specific to the modern white male; widely believed by modern white males to be the worst, most gnawing type of anxiety. (via @macomeau)
Manlet and Brophelia
*The term bronomicon is via @aproposnothing