Okay. For the umpteenth time, the Quebec-as-a-nation thing erupts. Prime Minister Stephen Harper produces a bill declaring that the Quebecois indeed comprise a nation, although within a united Canada, and is declared a genius for having done so, after stumbling on everything else since coming to office. Once again, then, let’s take a Valium and try to figure this out.

But first, let me declare my bias, if not my screeching prejudice. My attitude towards this cyclically erupting fracas is much the same as Scrooge’s attitude towards Christmas — a lot of humbug meant to keep a man from doing business. In this case, to keep the country from doing business.

Environment? Afghanistan? Health care? A bunged-up trip to China that has even the business class sore at the Conservatives? All of that swept clean off the front pages and the talk shows. Yes, I suppose that is genius of a sort.

Whenever this issue erupts, I make it a point to scan the Quebec media. After Harper deposited his motion, the Quebec media were far more reserved than the Toronto-Ottawa ones, which were going crazy. I flipped madly around the always-animated Montreal supper hour shows on the private French-language networks, TVA and TQS. The big news of the day was the Mafia bust. Then there was an 86-year-old kleptomaniac going to jail. Then O.J. Simpson. Then Iraq âe¦ Where was the big one?

On TQS, it finally came as part of the hourly news. The major actors all had their say, ending with a rant by Bloc Leader Gilles Duceppe. At the end of the item, host Jean-Guy Mongrain rubbed his hands with fake glee and declared dismissively, “That will keep the politicians amused for a while.” Then, ratcheting up the enthusiasm as if to announce the real news, he called on a correspondent: “Charles, tell us about the Mafia.”

The Quebec nation, then — like the rest of Canada — is hardly prancing with merriment over this.

Among the real news snuffed by this affair is the fact that the Liberals are to choose a leader next weekend. The story to date — and the background to the present commotion — is that the Liberals, so recently driven out of office for corruption and bureaucratic bungling, have found a new life and that the leader they choose could well be prime minister within six months. One of these, Michael Ignatieff, started the “nation” uproar by raising the issue within the Liberal leadership campaign.

The Liberals have a life because the Tories have bungled steadily — especially with their stumbling performance on the international stage — and with a general approach that reveals them as beholden to the views of their Western fundamentalist base. They’ve been leaking support in the polls, especially in Quebec, to the point of being behind the leaderless Liberals everywhere but in Alberta.

At least until now, according to the new theory in the Ottawa-Toronto fast lane. Harper, the underrated brilliant tactician, has pulled a rabbit out of a hat with this nations thing, it is said. He has outmanoeuvred the Bloc, which was prepared to introduce a motion into the Commons calling for the Quebecois to be recognized as a nation without reference to Canada, which would have left the federalist parties twisted in a knot. Harper will declare Quebecois a “nation” — whatever that means — within Canada, thus restoring his sagging fortunes in Quebec.

So Harper, with this move, has bailed out all the federalist parties, not just the Tories. The Liberals, who were in a tizzy about this before their convention because the Quebec youth wing had passed a “Quebec nation” resolution, have broken out in smiles and are praising Harper to the skies for having bailed them out. At least some are.

And if you think that’s weird, Ignatieff is considered vindicated in calling for Quebec to be recognized as a nation because Stephen Harper has backed him up!

So, if what I read and hear in the Ottawa-Toronto press is right, Harper the statesman has restored Tory fortunes, especially in Quebec, and is now geared to win the next election based on this one symbolic tour de force — regardless of having bunged up everything else from Nairobi to Hanoi.

Just as bad, the “vindicated” Ignatieff is said to have his leadership hopes now restored because of this. Great! Harper versus Ignatieff — a choice of two courtiers of calamity for prime minister next time.

I’ll believe in Harper’s tactical genius if his move actually kills the issue once and for all and we go back to talking about the environment, Afghanistan, foreign policy, etc., and how the Tories have gummed them up. Otherwise, all Harper has done with this nations thing is brought official policy closer to Quebec comedian Yvon Deschamps’ classic joke: that what Quebecers want is “an independent Quebec in a united Canada.”