On Friday, June 13, in Montreal, a team of courageous medical experts gathered at local MP and potential Prime Minister Paul Martinâe(TM)s office to undertake the dangerous task of quarantining the multi-millionaire before the final Liberal leadership debate. Members from Block the Empire Montreal (BTEM) Ministry of Public Health knew they must quarantine Martin, who is a suspected carrier of the highly dangerous Mad Politicianâe(TM)s Disease (MPD), also known as the West Null Virus.

The virulent and highly destructive MPD has become rampant in government circles, having spread from the United States where it is endemic. Recent comments by Martin supporting Canadian involvement in National Missile Defense prove he is contagious and experts fear that Martinâe(TM)s appearance at Saturdayâe(TM)s Liberal party debate may have infected additional party members.

The appearance of a new &#0147Star Wars&#0148 strain of MPD is extremely worrisome. Carriers are linked to the U.S.-led Missile Defense Plan, a multi-billion dollar scheme in which interceptor missiles would be guided by satellites and positioned on a global network of bases on land and at sea. Plans also include placing weapons in space within the decade. Dr. Sylvestre with the BTEM Ministry of Public Health said, &#0147as strange as it sounds, research is already underway to mount laser weapons on space platforms under this insane project.&#0148

Although the team of medical experts wasnâe(TM)t able to enter Martinâe(TM)s office, information was distributed in the neighbourhood to warn passers-by of imminent danger. On hand was Nurse Ratchet from the BTEM Ministry of Public Health who stated that &#0147recent statements made by Martin show a feverish level of support for the Bush Missile Defense Plan &#0151 a clear indication that he has reached an advanced stage of the Star Wars strain of the Mad Politician Disease.&#0148 Like other carriers of Mad Politician Disease (MPD), Martin was pronounced a threat to global security.

Dr. Sylvestre explained that the characteristics of the Star Wars strain of Mad Politician Disease are a new version of the previous generation MPD carrier Ronald Reaganâe(TM)s ludicrous Star Wars defence shield. This project promises to consolidate the oppressive strength of the American Empire (inside and outside Fortress North America) while endangering the security, lives and well-being of millions, in every part of the globe.

Nurse Ratchet further elaborated how, &#0147local MP and anointed next Prime Minister, Paul Martin, is a carrier of the highly dangerous Mad Politician Disease (MPD), and SARS âe” Secretly Avoiding Responsibility Strategy. Recent statements made by Paul Martin show cancerous imperialist tendencies, including a feverish affliction for the insane U.S.-led Star Wars âe” a clear indication that Martin is already afflicted by Pentagon-Carcinoma.

&#0147The sinful disease of greed has ravaged his brain like an Albertan Mad Cow. Not content with plundering Canadians, he is drooling at the prospects of joining the lunatics in Washington on their stampede through the Middle East, South Asia and the rest of the less-developed world.

&#0147Now he is foaming at the mouth about throwing Canadian support behind the U.S. ultra-imperialist Star Wars madness. Only someone in the grips of extreme dementia could believe that Star Wars will bring security to North America and the world. We must block Paul Martin from joining the serial killers in Washington who threaten to militarize outer space in their pursuit of global domination.

&#0147This is madness!

&#0147This is madness!

&#0147This is madness!&#0148

The medical experts present explained to the assembled media hordes that the highly dangerous and contagious virus has already infected the infamous George W. Bush and his sidekick, Tony Blair. In the acute stages of the disease, carriers are prone to compulsive excessive accumulation of capital, in pursuit of which they have wreaked havoc across the globe, leaving a trail of death, destruction and exploitation, most recently in Afghanistan and Iraq. Similar situations of pillage and oppression in Turtle Island (indigenous North America), Palestine, the Philippines, Columbia and the entire African continent&#0151to name but a few&#0151are also linked to this vicious disease. White men over forty appear to be the highest risk group.

Martin, in asserting that if he were elected as prime minister, he would move forward with Canadian involvement in the Missile Defense Plan, has committed to consolidating the oppressive strength of the worldâe(TM)s elite while endangering the security, lives and well-being of millions throughout the globe. Yet the medical experts who placed Martinâe(TM)s office under quarantine assured worried onlookers that treatment is possible. They did, however, state that Martin must remain in quarantine until he begins to display the following signs of improvement:

* Opposing the National Missile Defense Plan and working to end all existing Canadian corporate and military involvement in the project.

* Beginning to use the term &#0147security&#0148 in its proper meaning and application; i.e. freedom from fear, anxiety, exploitation and exposure to danger for all people, whatever their race, gender and class. (Confusing the word &#0147security&#0148 with &#0147global domination based on an iron fist&#0148 is a key symptom of Star Wars MPD).

* Ceasing to promote the interests of the excessively wealthy to the detriment of most of Canada and the worldâe(TM)s population.

The medical experts assigned to this case found it very worrisome that Martin was not in his office and that, in fact, the building was locked shut. This could mean he was, at that very moment, contaminating other people. They expressed hope that his employees, the RCMP and the Montreal police who were present at the gathering will do their assigned jobs of protecting Canadians by making sure the infected PM2B is quarantined for the necessary length of time.

Yves Engler

Dubbed “Canada’s version of Noam Chomsky” (Georgia Straight), “one of the most important voices on the Canadian Left” (Briarpatch), “in the mould of I. F. Stone” (Globe and Mail), “part...