Dear friends, colleagues, associates, and admirers. I, Cat Reporter, have been chosen for the arduous task of infiltrating the NDP leadership convention for this fine internet periodical in order to bring you the Cat Truth. I do not take this assignment lightly, as the NDP threatens the very foundations of a free and united Canada.
You may find yourself asking “who is this NDP, and why should they threaten me?” Until very recently, the NDP has been a fringe group of radicals, known for occasionally electing a Member of Parliament. They like to claim responsibility for some of the most horrific and devastating public policy decisions in Canadian history, such as the socializing of medicine, or the Canadarm.
No doubt due to my high-profile in the Cat Journalism community, I received an anonymous tip that this shady faction would be meeting to name their next leader. I approached the editors at Rabble, who were as surprised as I was that the group was still active. After all, we know that Canadians stand proudly behind the balanced and fair decisions of our Prime Minister. Only enviro-union-separatists backed by foreign interests would dare question his flawless leadership.
And so, dear readers, I will be risking all nine of my lives to penetrate this dangerous organization and bring you the Cat Truth about the threat they pose to all of us right-thinking Canadians. Stay tuned to rabble.ca for my shocking in-depth exposé, set to air Sunday, March 25. Ignore it at your peril!