Justin, Jude and grandad Randy playing golf.
Justin, Jude and grandad Randy playing golf. Credit: National Film Board of Canada Credit: National Film Board of Canada

I’m the mother of five adult children. My first three children came into the world with the help of midwives at a birthing centre that was not close to my home, but was one of the few near Toronto I could access. My last two children were literally born at home – yes, by choice – because I had moved to a city that did not allow midwives in the hospital and the midwives in Brampton were sure I’d give birth in the car.

I made that unpopular decision because I wanted the best start in life for my children and that included avoiding unnecessary medications and procedures. And, I knew that a midwife and a birth plan would advocate for me if I was unable to speak for myself or fight for my rights. Period.

But make no mistake, I took a lot of grief for not conforming and doing what I was “supposed to do,” namely giving birth in hospital using an obstetrician-gynecologist (ob/gyn).

My eldest and my third child were sons and I wanted nothing more than to break the cycle of controlling, entitled and privileged male behaviour as well as stifling gender roles. Unfortunately, that too can be an uphill battle in a society, and extended family, that doesn’t understand how limiting and dangerous those ties that bind can be for boys and men as well as society at large.

Those ties, or in this case chains, that bind are exactly what filmmaker Justin Simms explores in his documentary Sons. Set against the backdrop of his son’s first five years of life, Simms looks at modern masculinity through the lens of fatherhood as he asks an increasingly urgent question, “How do we teach our boys to be better men?”

“I began to be haunted by the question, how do we lose so many of our boys to the dark side of masculinity? And perhaps a more important question: What can I do as a father to better model the kind of behaviour and empathetic worldview that I so wish for Jude and his cohort to absorb?” Simms shared in a statement.

In March of 2016, Jude entered the world at a time when traditional notions of masculinity are being contested as never before. That November, Trump was first elected and as a result, power, wealth, misogyny, racism and hate took to the streets without fear of repercussion. Meanwhile, sexual assaults, femicides and gun action increased in Canada.

Then, in 2017 the #MeToo movement drew international attention to the collective impact of sexual abuse, sexual harassment and rape culture. Although the MeToo movement was started by Tarana Burke in 2006, Trump’s election and social media collided ensuring it went viral.

Using archival imagery, Simms invokes a traditional maritime culture where men were often separated from their families starting with his own grandfather, Waldo, who left home at 14 years of age to make his way in the world.

In a series of soul-bearing conversations with his own father, Simms questions what has traditionally defined a good man including the beliefs that masculinity is defined by absence; real men don’t cry; a father’s word is law; and men don’t talk about feelings.

Simms’ father, Randy, astutely points out that while money does provide independence and true agency, capitalism drives inequality by affording benefits to the few by denying those same benefits to the many. And, it is the unjust system of capitalism that drives the quest for male purpose in life while often excluding the important things like family, the arts and enjoying free time.

These conversations led Simms to explore how “masculinity” can be questioned and re-imagined. And, that includes traditional role models like wrestlers, brawling hockey players and superheroes who were all alpha males demonstrating their strength and dominance rather than kindness and empathy.

Then, there’s what happens to our sons once they go to school. The very goal of these institutions is to create conformity, good employees and even better consumers. School is also where many people first face the harsh reality of not fitting in and all the baggage that can bring.

Simms also draws from his vibrant downtown St. John’s, NL neighbourhood enlisting the help of an engaging gang of fellow dads all grappling with the challenge of parenting boys in a time when masculinity can be beautiful, but not without a new, updated story.

Woven throughout Sons is brilliant informal footage of Jude’s early years, charting his trajectory from helpless newborn to hurricane of a boy, obsessed with dinosaurs and superheroes.

“Sons is a film born out of love and fear. Love for my son, Jude, of course, who’s now eight, but also fear of the world he’s being put into, and fear of my ability to prepare him for it,” Simms told rabble.ca.

“As Jude grew from infant to little boy, this love and fear were irreparably intertwined, as Trump-ism and rising nationalism gave way to a chilling debate around masculinity, where we saw boys and men fall further into a hole of isolation and resentment, with the culture and the political and educational systems regularly failing them,” Simms added.

Simms believes that an important conversation around masculinity needs to take place. It needs to be a deeper, inward-looking dialogue around masculinity that is removed from the “toxic-or-not-toxic” binary.

Simms wants men to be able to express a range of emotions and embrace their vulnerability. He would like to see more men being open around these issues and learning to be better equipped to have the necessary dialogues with both themselves, their peers and eventually, their sons.

Judd’s mother, Willow, also shares her insight at the end of the film, stating, “If the boys aren’t well, everybody suffers. Not just the boys. Not just the men. And that is a sad fact of life. But that’s where we are. So, if you want to help women, you gotta help men.”

Simms is a Newfoundland and Labrador filmmaker whose first feature film, Down to the Dirt, received the best Atlantic feature and best screenplay awards at the Atlantic Film Festival. His feature film adaptation Away from Everywhere (2016), based on the Chad Pelley novel of the same name, had its world premiere at the 2016 Cannes Film Festival as part of Telefilm Canada’s Perspectives Canada program. His non-fiction credits include Hard Light (2011), Danny (2014) and the short Hand.Line.Cod (2016), which premiered at the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival.

Sons (2024/70 min) is available on nfb.ca and the NFB’s streaming platform for smart TVs.

Sons community screenings in Toronto and Vancouver were supported by Next Gen Men, a Canadian nonprofit dedicated to creating a future where boys and men experience less pain and cause less harm by changing how the world sees, acts and thinks about masculinity.

Doreen Nicoll

Doreen Nicoll is weary of the perpetual misinformation and skewed facts that continue to concentrate wealth, power and decision making in the hands of a few to the detriment of the many. As a freelance...