Left in Love is a dating column for progressive daters who give a damn! Each month, Meghan Murphy matches couples looking for radical love and documents the date in this space. Our couple this month is Roz and Sam.
Roz is a 28-year-old student, support worker, visual artist and children’s author. Creative/optimist.
Sam is 33-year-old professional musician, amateur cook and armchair scientist. Leggy/pensive.
Roz: When Sam first sat down I noticed he was well dressed (i.e. wearing a suit jacket) and I figured he would turn out to be a nice guy since he apologized right away for being late even though he wasn’t. I had made myself nervous beforehand, going through all the horrible ways the date might play out and was half convinced my date would end up being a friend’s ex-boyfriend.
Sam: I was nervous at first — in fact, part of our conversation, early on, was devoted to how nervous we were. Talking about how nervous we were and why actually helped us settle into a rather engaged conversation. Roz was very warm, welcoming, attractive and keen on making eye contact — a fantastic quality!
Roz: The conversation flowed easily. Sam was really good at asking questions, which I appreciated. We talked a lot about art and music and balancing creativity with making a living. We also talked about how politically active we both are and where we fall on the lefty spectrum. While neither of us felt we were as politically active as some of our more hardcore activist friends, we both had really strong feelings about politics in general. We talked a little about the municipal election, and Sam was stoked to vote for his friend’s dad in Burnaby.
Sam: I really enjoyed talking with Roz — we talked about what we each did for our respective livings, and after finding out that we both had an interest in the arts (audible arts on my end, and visual arts on Roz’s end) we had a spirited discussion about art, intention, the difficulties of relying on art for a stable income and how that can have an effect on an artist’s ability to be truly creative or expressive. We talked a little about the upcoming election, who we would be supporting and why. We both vote in different municipalities (I vote in Burnaby and support Derek Corrigan and the Burnaby Citizens Association) and Roz was keen on supporting COPE candidate, Meena Wong. She asked me who I would vote for if I was voting in Vancouver and I haphazardly responded by saying Gregor Robertson (I really didn’t do any research at all on candidates from Vancouver because it wasn’t my decision to make) — I remember seeing him at a show I was playing, and he seemed like a cool guy that supported the arts… Roz was not a fan and explained why… I may have ruined everything with my political ignorance but such is life… Although we ended up supporting different candidates, I would like to think it wasn’t any kind of deal breaker, but I could be wrong…
Roz: Near the end of the date we had a really good conversation about feminism. The whole Jian Ghomeshi situation came up and we talked about how awful it is, which turned into a conversation about consent and the female experience. I was pretty impressed by how open Sam was to talking about male privilege and asking about my perspective on things.
Sam: My favourite part of our conversation was when we talked about feminism and how it pertained to us in our lives. I asked Roz how feminism applied to her existence and learned that she does things like make extra an effort to pay attention to and support female artists (something that I had never really considered). I mentioned that, as a musician who plays in bars (some of these bars being places where stereotypical gender roles are often reinforced), I see a lot of disrespect being thrown around in the direction of women and that being trapped behind a drum kit gives me little chance for action. I have done what I can to counteract these events when I can.
Roz: Sam is from South Burnaby and is a professional drummer. He is currently in five or six bands (though he seemed hesitant to admit that), including a jazz guitar trio, a Celtic rock band called the “Whiskey Dicks,” a cover band and some sort of experimental jazz project. He has done lots of travelling while touring with bands (including a Scandinavia tour which sounded pretty cool) and also does some recording. He went to Capilano College’s music program, which he loved. One of the things he said that seemed to reflect his choice of how to make a living was a quote he shared from his dad, which was, “make your sport your life.” Sam seemed upbeat, thoughtful and driven, in terms of his music career.
Sam: Roz is an intervener at an elementary school in South Vancouver, an avid cyclist (she rode her bike to the date, which, in my view, automatically qualifies one as an avid cyclist) and has a deep connection to the visual arts. Her primary medium is watercolour, although she is using tablet computers to produce some of her art these days. We share a fondness for sketching. Roz enjoys cooking (she is a vegetarian but makes exceptions for turkey on Thanksgiving and tuna sashimi because she likes it). The last thing she cooked was an omelette, which only included three ingredients. I tend to throw a lot of veggies into my omelettes, so I called hers a “minimalist omelette,” and kind of tried to combine the two words… Roz totally ran with it and finished my sentence, calling it a “minimomelette.” That was memorable in that she was totally participating and present in the conversation and didn’t think I was a moron for trying to combine two words that should probably never be combined.
Roz: Sam seemed very present and positive. He was super inquisitive and a good conversationalist. He seemed genuinely interested in what we were talking about and in hearing my perspective, which made it almost too easy to do too much talking about myself and to feel comfortable with him.
Sam: Her personality… oh man… She came off as very truthful, thoughtful, confident and genuinely interested in what I had to say (which I find to be a rarity) and in actually getting to know each other. She seemed very relaxed, and without trying, made me feel relaxed. Her eyes were very easy to get lost in… I would have to spend more time with Roz to be able to truly comment on her personality with any confidence… perhaps there will be a day when I could do this!
Roz: The date was really nice and actually lasted quite a while — we had lots to talk about and time flew by. We were both really excited to have moola to spend on drinks and food and I got a fancy aloe vera cocktail, which I was happy about. Sam ordered an eggplant dish and I ordered something delicious with dumplings. I was relieved that he was a nice guy and that we had a good time after all my nerves.
Sam: The date was amazing! The food was overdone only by the company — I had a hard time deciding what to order because I was more interested in giving her my full attention. There was always something to talk about and a tremendous amount of respect right off the top. I would enjoy seeing Roz again but it was hard for me to read how interested she was in seeing me again… I thought there was enough traction to warrant another meeting, but I have been wrong before.
Roz: I didn’t feel a romantic chemistry, but did feel like we had a definite friend connection, which makes sense since I think we probably have some friends in common. Sam was great company and it sounds like we’ll probably hang out again as friends. We left with a hug, and I texted Sam so we have each other’s numbers.
Sam: Roz has a job that demands her waking up at an early hour, so when she noticed the time (it was 10:30 or so), we basically had to call it. I would have been curious to invite her out for another drink, but that remained a thought in my head, out of respect for her next day and because we had just met. I walked her to her bicycle, and as she was unlocking I told her how much fun I had and (albeit passively) suggested that I would enjoy hanging out again. She suggested I add her on Facebook at which point I had to come clean and tell her that I had gotten rid of my Facebook account a couple of years ago. I usually enjoy people’s reaction, except this time, because it felt like an inconvenience that I didn’t have it. We exchanged numbers though, which suits me just fine. We hugged and both went our own ways.
Sam rated the date 9/10
Roz rated the date 7/10
Tired of wading through profiles on online dating sites? Apathetic offerings getting you down? Left in Love is rabble.ca’s answer to dating fatigue. And where better to find your match than among fellow progressives! Who wants to waste a night out with someone who thinks heath care is bad for the economy or who suggests things like “pulling oneself up one’s bootstraps?” Let us send you out on the town with someone who will tickle your radical fancy! If you’re in the Vancouver area and would like to take part, contact us at love[at]rabble.ca and fill out an application.
Meghan Murphy is a writer and a journalist in Vancouver, B.C. The column Left in Love is published every month.