We truly live in revolutionary times.

I watch CNN’s latest reality television program: theUkrainian Orange Revolution. The hostreports on the subplots: a stolen election, a peasantblockade, and a poisoned would-be president. When shefinishes her opening, she delivers the realitytelevision cliffhanger: Who will be the winner? VictorYanukovich, the pro-Russian reactionary? Or will it beVictor Yushenko, the pro-Western revolutionary?

She smiles and tells me to stay tuned for the talkingheads. Maybe they’ll tell me who gets voted off thispost-Soviet island.

When the commercial begins, I press the mute buttonthen head to the kitchen where I make popcorn. Thepackage promises me revolutionary new butterflavouring. I toss the package in the microwave andpress start. While the popcorn package rotates andexpands, I make a coffee in my single serving Bodum.The Bodum is old now, but when I bought it, it alsopromised me revolutionary flavour. For a moment, Iconsider that my tongue is lucky to be “tasting” insuch revolutionary times.

Popcorn and coffee made, I head back to the couch andpress the mute button again. The commercials show merevolutionary new drugs for my erectile dysfunction,my heart disease and my nagging arthritis. I eat somepopcorn and, for some reason, I think of the days whenonly my laundry soap was revolutionary. It claimed tomake my “whites even whiter.” Some revolution.

I sip my coffee. The host is back. She istrading serious words with a serious lookingUkrainian. He is predicting a trulyrevolutionary outcome in Kiev. After a while, the CNNtheme music begins. The host thanks the manand signs off. The screen now returns to the MainSquare in Kiev, to the cheering crowds with theirorange flags and orange scarves.

I wonder: do the folks waving those orange flags andorange scarves know they are part of my cablenews/entertainment revolution? Do they know that thelikely outcome of their pro-western, market economy,Orange Revolution will be a primary-coloured, videostreaming, cell phone revolution? Or a natural, haircare product revolution? Probably not. And why ruintheir nice orange revolution, anyway.

Popcorn and coffee finished, I leave the couch andhead for the bedroom where I sit at my desk andplayfully google the word “revolution.” Among the27,000,000 results, I see the big names, of course: theAmerican, French, Russian and Industrial. And thesmaller ones are there too: the Mexican, Haitian,Iranian and Bolivian. But these old-style revolutionsof “ideas” are quaint trivia now.

The “ideas” revolutions are lost in the many newrevolutions that scroll down my screen: gamerevolutions, radio revolutions, and audio-videorevolutions. Raelian revolutions, clothingrevolutions, and no-name pet food revolutions.Popcorn, peanut and coffee revolutions. Colouredrevolutions in green, red and orange. Quietrevolutions and velvet revolutions. Ours is acornucopiac age of revolutions.

But what happened to old-style revolutions? Whathappened to the good old days of street fighting,blockade building, government overthrowing,out-with-the-old-guy, in-with-the-new-guy revolutions?What happened to the revolutions of meaningful ideas,of “isms” that promised a better life for all?

What happened was this: the corporate world simplybought the television rights to revolution. And theyreplaced great ideas with green iPods. But don’t getme wrong. This revolution runs deeper than simple,glib consumer choice.

Consider: Che Guevara on a tee-shirt is not the sell-out of revolution — it is a revolution. It’s the newpersonalized revolution. You just sit down, plug in,pony up your credit card — and the revolution comes toyou. No. Better yet: the revolution is you.

Call it the consummate consumer revolution. This isthe Age of I, a revolution that allows each person tocall up and shape a personalized universe accordingevery whim and change in self-image. In thisrevolution, the self becomes self-image. Nothing more.The Buddha once said, “We are simply our thoughts.”Perhaps the corporate world got Zen.

To play with this idea, I compare trivial, individualnames to important, old-style, “ideas” revolutions. Idiscover that Justin Timberlake gets as many googleresults as the French Revolution. And his old girlfriend,Britney Spears gets more than the RussianRevolution. And I laugh out loud when I discover thatthat my own name gets more google results than theBolivian Revolution. I stop to consider: what does itmean when Britney Spears is bigger than the RussianRevolution?

I return to the couch to watch more CNN. The new hostgives me hard news about theOrange Revolution. And while he talks, I flip throughmy home-style magazine. On page three I read anadvertisement for a “revolutionary new juicingsystem.” Amazing, I think. Two orange revolutions.

These are truly revolutionary times.