Babble 2.0

Search-engine giant Google Inc. and rabble.ca have come to an agreement regarding the purchase of the trademarked name “babble” for use on unified messaging platforms. Google revealed their intention last month to name their new cross-platform app “Babble,” which would integrate many of the features currently employed across Android, Gmail, Google+ and Chrome web browser.

The move ran into legal trouble north of the border, however, when they discovered Canada’s largest progressive news site, rabble.ca, had trademarked the term for use in online communications when they launched their discussion forum twelve years ago.

rabble.ca is pleased to announce today that a deal has been reached with the software company. For an undisclosed sum, rabble.ca President and CEO Duncan Cameron has agreed to relinquish rights on the name of the popular political salon. Google has also agreed to add the original babble to their unified application.

“It’s definitely something we’ve been looking to monetize for awhile,” Cameron admitted. “It will be nice to have a market leader take the forums off our hands. Now that our readers don’t have a place to criticize our columnists, we can start attracting other ad potential to the site like Wal-Mart, Shell and Schticky Corp.”

Google CEO Larry Page seemed a bit bemused by the conflict presented by such a small media startup, but rabble.ca was resolute in its determination to protect its brand, and as Google’s only barrier to Canadian consumer access, it was a small price to pay to expand their market share.

“It’s not a huge improvement on our bottom line — 67 per cent of Canadian messaging is just about the weather,” explained Page. “We’re actually working on a log script that will approximate Canadian online conversation to 88 per cent accuracy. Once we isolate the limited sample of hockey-related rhetorical patterns, we should be able to integrate advertisements into the automated messages seamlessly, which will justify the acquisition.”

Acquiring the babble trademark is all part of Google’s next stage of development, where they intend to phase out older applications in favour of more revenue-generating streams. They announced recently that they would be shedding the mothballed Google reader in June, and quietly removed AdBlocking browser add-ons from the Google Play store. The next step is to gradually discontinue the unpopular search engine software by 2014.

“Using an aggregate of your internet site visits, social media activity, Air Miles and online purchases Google will simply inform you of what you are likely looking for, before you even knew it,” Page explains. “We used to organize the world’s information, but now we’ve gone one step better: we generate it.” 

Not everyone is happy about the internet monolith acquiring the lively online forum from the progressive news leader. In a statement, rabble.ca editor and pecha kucha enthusiast, Derrick O’Keefe called the move “splinterist” and “counter-revolutionary.” Publisher Kim Elliott is currently on a neo-feminist arachnology expedition in Quito, Ecuador and could not be reached for comment.

As a result of the deal, babble’s anti-oppression comment policy will shift to adopt a more “revenue-neutral” approach, encouraging more positive inflected discussions on free trade and union-busting and less emphasis on tired old shibboleths of the left like “labour rights,” “equality” and “social justice.”

Page was quick to confirm that same-sex marriage could still be discussed approvingly, however. “That stuff is so hot right now in America. You guys in Canada should really start thinking about legalizing it.”