Dear Sasha,

I’m in a long-distance relationship and only get to see my boyfriend every few months. The next time we see each other is right bang (pardon the pun) in the middle of my period!

I’m in a profession that doesn’t allow me to schedule my own holidays, so I can’t choose another date. Same thing happened last time we saw each other, and I would prefer to have a little less technicolour action this time. I know you like the Diva Cup, but the website says it shouldn’t be used during intercourse. Is there an alternative (other than a diaphragm) that I could use while having crazy, making-up-for-lost-time sex?

Can’t Think of a Name

I know hookers who use the Diva Cup to keep the blood at bay while working, but when I think about this, even for a second, what springs to mind is the stem of the cup getting jammed in a male partner’s urethra, accompanied by the feeling of being punched repeatedly in the cervix with a miniature ringette puck. Ows all around, really.

You may go ahead and experiment with a Diva Cup if you dare, but I suggest a few alternatives: a menstrual sponge (excellent information here), which may not prevent all leakage, but will at least provide something of an obstacle to the flow, and is much softer.

You can also try a disposable menstrual cup. I was in a show for an entire month in which I had to pull a feather boa out of my vagina, and this I what I used when I had my period. I found it somewhat difficult to insert, but once in place, it was an effective barrier. Because it’s more saucer-than cup-shaped, it takes up width rather than length at the top of the vaginal canal, leaving plenty of room for condoms stuffed with marabou plumes or, for the more conventional gal, penises.

Try Ad

Dear Sasha,

I’m bisexual and would like to do a threesome with my boyfriend. We’ve talked about it, of course, and about how to find someone to play with us, but we’re both a bit confused about where to go. I thought about going on Fetlight, but I don’t want to “pollute” the community with this type of ad. I mean, I’m not on Fetlight, so I’m not really sure if the community there would be understanding, but then again, reading the description of the site, I felt like that wasn’t the right place to go.

The classifieds make me go blech, because I have the feeling I’ll get loads of answers from creeps. Do you have some nice advice for such a search?

Bi looking for new friend

Hurrah for threesomes, the gateway act to radical sex exploration! I’m afraid you won’t find anyone to play with you on Fetlight, though, Bi, as the only Fetlight online is a German site offering travel packages to Thailand with not a whiff of nonsense about it. Seriously, if it is a site for sex tourism, it’s beyond even my capacity for decoding Teutonic stolidity.

I think you mean FetLife.com, where you shouldn’t be concerned at all about putting up a profile that contains an interest in threesomes. Group sex is definitely considered a kink — a light one in some people’s books, but a kink nonetheless.

You’re also not alone in your desire to avoid creepos in your search for free love. But here’s the thing about free stuff: people really like it. If you’ve ever worked a table at one of the many outdoor festivals that Toronto hosts (like Word On The Street), you know that people will grab at anything, no matter what it is — balloon, steaming turd, ballpoint pen — if it’s free.

And when it comes to stuff like free sex, some people have an extra-hard time being courteous or respectful. So try not to let it get to you when you get responses that are inarticulate, contain little more than a picture of someone’s erect penis or seem deeply entitled. Delete and move along.

We Won’t Ever Have Paris

Dear Sasha,

I have read with some concern your columns regarding your terrible experience with your Magic Wand in Europe, and another woman’s experience whose Wand perished under similar circumstances.

This does not bode well for me. Not in the least. I will be living in Paris for three months beginning in late September and this is the only vibrator I intend to bring. I will not be in this famously romantic city without my favourite lover.

Aggie

Aggie, you are simply going to have to invest in a vibrator that has all the oomph of a Wand without the self-destruct-once-on-European-soil feature. We’re talking cordless, we’re talking battery operated, we’re talking the Mystic Wand (see ecosex.ca).

I understand the sorrow of leaving your paramour behind but I assure you, it’s far sadder to have to abandon it in a strange city, broken and alone.

In Praise of Older Womyn

So this sounds fucking amazing:

On Saturday (September 25) from noon to 4:30 pm, members of the 519 Church Community Centre, the Sherbourne Health Centre and Planned Parenthood are organizing an event called Hot And Bothered (at 519 Church, 416-961-0113 ext 123) that looks at aging and women’s sexuality in the LGBT population. There are performances, a panel and breakout discussion groups dealing with topics like creating community, dating, dealing with isolation, hooking up, menopause, sex and aging, losing a loved one, gender expression, coming out later in life and activism and aging.

Panelists include Sheila Miller, Aakilah Ashanti Ade, Nichola Ward and Hershel Russell, with performers Arlene Mantle, Lorelei King, Lois Fine and cougar chaser Chelsey Licht-man.

The event is open to all LGBT women who identify as or did identify as women. I’m just going to say I’m sure it would also be an awesome place to meet that sultry elder babe you can’t get off your mind as well. As Ryan G. Hinds said to me the other night when we were hanging out at Granny Boots, “Look at you! You’re glowing! You look incredible!” “Thank you, honey,” I replied. “That’s a hot flash.”

See here for more details.

This column was originally published in NOW Magazine. Ask Sasha: [email protected]

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Independent rukus-raising news site seeks new friends (at $5/month) for support network. rabble will always be there for you, looks pretty good and has a winning personality. Loves new friends and will shower them each with a free independent print magazine subscription. Contact at www.rabble.ca/membership. No photo required.

Sasha Van Bon Bon

Sasha is a nationally syndicated sex columnist whose work has appeared in a variety of Canadian weeklies and online magazines for over 15 years. Her column appears weekly in NOW magazine. She is also...